I got to thinking, how would Penn State do against an All Star team? For instance, what if Nick Lee wins 141 this weekend and Shak pulled the upset? They would probably garner #2 and #1 seeds respectively. PSU would probably win a matchup with an NCAA all-star team. What about an all-time All Star team? The latter I decided to pursue. Here is my weight by weight breakdown:
125 – Devin Schnupp vs. Spencer Lee’s Mom: Spencer Lee is a bad man, but if his mom is tossing him around at high school wrestling practice obviously she is badder. I don’t have any knowledge of her weight class, but making a scientific guess given Spencer is 125. Devin puts up a good fight but gets thrown to his back in period 2. PSU 0 – All Time 6
133 – RBY vs. Bruce Lee: Bruce comes out talking smack saying “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 takedowns once, but I fear the man who has practiced one takedown 10,000 time…” with his cat-like quickness RBY takes him down before he finishes his sentence. Bruce gets taken down 6 more times and RBY rolls to a major. PSU 4 – All Time 6
141 – Nick Lee vs. Jesus: Jesus is fresh off a really hard cut after spending 40 days in the desert. Nick Lee’s pace is relentless. At the end of the first, Jesus believes Nick Lee had locked hands. Who is in Jesus’s corner? Who throws the challenge brick? The Father? The Holy Ghost? All of us? Would Jesus even throw the challenge brick? This got much too confusing. Nick Lee by decision. PSU 7 – All Time 6.
149 – Brady Berge vs. Zain Retherford: That’s right, on an all-time all-mythical team Zain Retherford is the 149 lb representative. Brady puts up a good fight, but ultimately gets bow-and-arrowed for multiple 4 counts and loses by tech fall. PSU 7 – All Time 11.
157 - Jason Nolf vs. a 157 lb Honey Badger: The honey badger is fierce, nasty, and relentless. Jason Nolf tech falls him in 1:37. PSU 12 – All Time 11.
165 – Vincenzo Joseph vs. Vicnenzo Joseph: Vincenzo wrestles his twin brother Vicnenzo. Both are thrown to their backs simultaneously with inside trips. Like my one-on-one basketball games with my twin brother, a tie is declared. PSU 12 – All Time 11.
174 – Mark Hall vs. 15 year old Cael Sanderson: Mark, wondering how he is wrestling 15 year old Cael Sanderson with present day Cael Sanderson in his corner, gets taken down early. Cael Sanderson is the GOAT. Mark loses by decision. PSU 12 – All Time 14.
184 – Shakur Rasheed vs. a baby Velociraptor: Baby V-rap knows about the cradle. He has trained to get out of it. However, in the second period Shak locks it up. V-rap, with fear spreading across his reptilian eyes, realizes his hubris has cost him as he sees the lights. You can’t simulate the cradle. Its like getting in the box with a guy throwing 98 mph. You know its fast, but until that ball explodes and pops the catchers mitt you just can’t understand it. That is Shak's cradle. PSU 18 – All Time 14.
197 – Bo Nickal vs. Ivan Yarygin: Ivan decided to make the cut from heavyweight because he lost the wrestleoff (see below). After exchanging multiple takedowns in the first two periods, Ivan threw Bo to his back only to get elevatored and stuck. PSU 24 – All Time 14.
HWT – Anthony Cassar vs. Almas: Almas won the wrestleoff with Sasquatch and Yarygin. In case you aren’t aware, Almas is the Mongolian bigfoot and they have a long wrestling history in Mongolia. Anthony was sporting his decorative painted gold necklace which temporarily distracted Almas, but Almas came ready for war. Almas weighed in at 660 lbs. Anthony is quite skilled at picking up heavy things and putting them down, but Almas was coming from the frigid mountains of Mongolia and had quite the sweat going on (think Jayden Cox in a sauna). Anthony lost his grip and got thrown to his back by Almas. PSU 24 – All Time 20.
A close dual, but PSU wins.
125 – Devin Schnupp vs. Spencer Lee’s Mom: Spencer Lee is a bad man, but if his mom is tossing him around at high school wrestling practice obviously she is badder. I don’t have any knowledge of her weight class, but making a scientific guess given Spencer is 125. Devin puts up a good fight but gets thrown to his back in period 2. PSU 0 – All Time 6
133 – RBY vs. Bruce Lee: Bruce comes out talking smack saying “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 takedowns once, but I fear the man who has practiced one takedown 10,000 time…” with his cat-like quickness RBY takes him down before he finishes his sentence. Bruce gets taken down 6 more times and RBY rolls to a major. PSU 4 – All Time 6
141 – Nick Lee vs. Jesus: Jesus is fresh off a really hard cut after spending 40 days in the desert. Nick Lee’s pace is relentless. At the end of the first, Jesus believes Nick Lee had locked hands. Who is in Jesus’s corner? Who throws the challenge brick? The Father? The Holy Ghost? All of us? Would Jesus even throw the challenge brick? This got much too confusing. Nick Lee by decision. PSU 7 – All Time 6.
149 – Brady Berge vs. Zain Retherford: That’s right, on an all-time all-mythical team Zain Retherford is the 149 lb representative. Brady puts up a good fight, but ultimately gets bow-and-arrowed for multiple 4 counts and loses by tech fall. PSU 7 – All Time 11.
157 - Jason Nolf vs. a 157 lb Honey Badger: The honey badger is fierce, nasty, and relentless. Jason Nolf tech falls him in 1:37. PSU 12 – All Time 11.
165 – Vincenzo Joseph vs. Vicnenzo Joseph: Vincenzo wrestles his twin brother Vicnenzo. Both are thrown to their backs simultaneously with inside trips. Like my one-on-one basketball games with my twin brother, a tie is declared. PSU 12 – All Time 11.
174 – Mark Hall vs. 15 year old Cael Sanderson: Mark, wondering how he is wrestling 15 year old Cael Sanderson with present day Cael Sanderson in his corner, gets taken down early. Cael Sanderson is the GOAT. Mark loses by decision. PSU 12 – All Time 14.
184 – Shakur Rasheed vs. a baby Velociraptor: Baby V-rap knows about the cradle. He has trained to get out of it. However, in the second period Shak locks it up. V-rap, with fear spreading across his reptilian eyes, realizes his hubris has cost him as he sees the lights. You can’t simulate the cradle. Its like getting in the box with a guy throwing 98 mph. You know its fast, but until that ball explodes and pops the catchers mitt you just can’t understand it. That is Shak's cradle. PSU 18 – All Time 14.
197 – Bo Nickal vs. Ivan Yarygin: Ivan decided to make the cut from heavyweight because he lost the wrestleoff (see below). After exchanging multiple takedowns in the first two periods, Ivan threw Bo to his back only to get elevatored and stuck. PSU 24 – All Time 14.
HWT – Anthony Cassar vs. Almas: Almas won the wrestleoff with Sasquatch and Yarygin. In case you aren’t aware, Almas is the Mongolian bigfoot and they have a long wrestling history in Mongolia. Anthony was sporting his decorative painted gold necklace which temporarily distracted Almas, but Almas came ready for war. Almas weighed in at 660 lbs. Anthony is quite skilled at picking up heavy things and putting them down, but Almas was coming from the frigid mountains of Mongolia and had quite the sweat going on (think Jayden Cox in a sauna). Anthony lost his grip and got thrown to his back by Almas. PSU 24 – All Time 20.
A close dual, but PSU wins.
