OT: Need advice on dating a woman with kids

[FloridaLion02]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

 

[ClarkstonMark]

I have dated 2 women with kids (I have 2 kids myself). I think i might be a bit older than you though.

One woman's kids loved me. We did not work out. but we were together for two years. She was 37 when we started dating
My current gf's kids (3) are not so friendly. And the dad is an asshole. But I love this girl and might just wait for several years before we get married. Been together 4 years now; she was 43 when we started dating.

There are a lot of smoking hot women out there, so don't use that as a reason to stick around.

Are you OK dating a girl with kids? That's really the deciding factor. It works, but not if you don't want it

 

[Player2BNamedL8r]

"I just was looking to smash"..."I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting"

All due respect my friend - and I say this with a hint of jealousy for my lost/carefree youth - but perhaps the better question might be should this woman even consider dating you? Sounds like you're still sewing oats and likely aren't yet mature enough...she is already raising 2 children and doesn't need a 3rd right now.

 

[fairgambit]

"I just was looking to smash"..."I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting"

All due respect my friend - and I say this with a hint of jealousy for my lost/carefree youth - but perhaps the better question might be should this woman even consider dating you? Sounds like you're still sewing oats and likely aren't yet mature enough...she is already raising 2 children and doesn't need a 3rd right now.

You beat me to it. Well said, especially your last line.

 

[FloridaLion02]

I have dated 2 women with kids (I have 2 kids myself). I think i might be a bit older than you though.

One woman's kids loved me. We did not work out. but we were together for two years. She was 37 when we started dating
My current gf's kids (3) are not so friendly. And the dad is an asshole. But I love this girl and might just wait for several years before we get married. Been together 4 years now; she was 43 when we started dating.

There are a lot of smoking hot women out there, so don't use that as a reason to stick around.

Are you OK dating a girl with kids? That's really the deciding factor. It works, but not if you don't want it

Thanks for the reply...well I like kids and eventually want a family of my own, but I don't exactly know how I feel about stepping into a role like that so soon. Worried about the drama from their father's and so on, but yes I am open to it. I went into it with no expectations anything would come of it. Yes there are plenty of good looking women but to me this one is awesome. She's actually someone I could see a future with and it surprised me. So now before I get involved any further I need to decide on the kids situation so it's difficult. I am used to younger girls 20-23 that are ditzes. Not intelligent women with their shit together and a brain lol

 

[lj4heisman1]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

You sound like quite the catch.

 

[Norm Petersin]

Never bad mouth her kids, or you won't be smashing it again.

 

[FloridaLion02]

You sound like quite the catch.

Yeah I don't know what this girl is thinking either I still have some growing up to do, but I respect her so I at least treat her very well. I went into it with bad intentions only now it's all changed and I need to make a decision on the kids thing because this is the type of woman I'd finally grow up for and give up my old ways lol

 

[AWS1022]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

You never shoplift the pu$$y. Sorry, the Jerry Maguire had to come out. It's hard enough raising kids of your own and making it work with your wife. A ready made family with two different fathers could be really tough. There are plenty of hot, intelligent women out there with no kids. Stop dating 23 year old airheads and look for someone with a brain (and no kids). My brother married into a ready made family and it was really difficult and ended in divorce. Just my two cents.

 

[jmorovich]

Yes there are plenty of good looking women but to me this one is awesome. She's actually someone I could see a future with and it surprised me.

Sounds like two other guys thought the same thing...no telling how or when the crazy comes out

I've been with my wife for 20 years and we have 2 kids and it was work (but worth every minute). That being said, you drop me in a situation with a woman, 2 kids, and 2 different baby daddies and I'm running faster than a healthy Usain Bolt out of that situation.

But that's just me...

 

[bwifan]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

Well I will throw my .02 in... First off not sure how long you have been dating her already. I was going to suggest waiting to meet her kids. (that has already happened) I have been happily married for 25 years but seeing numerous friends and family members get divorced and date again many of them wisely waited before introducing their new boyfriend/girlfriend to their kids. Obvious reasons, it's hard for kids to get attached and then when things break off and don't go well obviously puts them in a bad place. Could be a multitude of reasons why this women has 2 kids with different fathers. My suggestion would be to take this slow and easy which you seem to be doing the opposite having already jumped into the sack with her. Many questions, are you sure she is not looking for anyone to be a father to these kids? Taking your time will help you to really get to know her and validate your feelings towards each other.... lust/hot sex vs really caring about each other. I would suggest to really think this through, these are young kids involved and can really play with their heads in a bad way. To me if you decide you are in you have to be all the way in, as a father figure and love those kids as if they were your biological children. Ask yourself if you can do that and are ready to do that? You do sound like you like to play the field still so be honest with yourself are you ready to settle down and be a husband and father immediately? These are young kids so chose wisely....

 

[NedFromYork]

Tell me you did not steal the pooty from a single mom!?!

 

[LafayetteBear]

A woman with kids is one thing, but a woman with two kids by two different dads is another. Are those dads still in the picture? What kind of child custody and child support,arrangements does she have with these two guys, assuming they are both in the picture? It is tough being step dad to one guy's kids, much less two.

I say that knowing NOTHING about this woman other than that she is eminently "smashable" (LOL, but that is a necessary precondition; otherwise,what are you doing there in the first place?), and that she apparently has some other qualities that make her more than just a sex partner.

Sounds harsh of me to say this, but she had better have those qualities in spades if the child custody and support picture is problematic. And you had better be prepared to spend the time and money necessary to raise those kids, or you are wasting both your time and hers.

 

[JonNittany]

Run and don't look back! There's a lot of pretty girls that don't have all that baggage. It doesn't get better as time goes on with the kids and if the fathers are around.

 

[Nittany18]

I dated a girl with a son for 7 years. I loved her and him and as much as her and I cared about each other, me and the boy clashed. I tried my best with him, but I had rules and he didn't want to follow, nor did she enforce or back me up. It lead to distain and a lot of back and forth in my living situation. Find a single girl, you're young...get married and have your kids with her.

 

[Nitwit]

A woman with kids is one thing, but a woman with two kids by two different dads is another. Are those dads still in the picture? What kind of child custody and child support,arrangements does she have with these two guys, assuming they are both in the picture? It is tough being step dad to one guy's kids, much less two.

I say that knowing NOTHING about this woman other than that she is eminently "smashable" (LOL, but that is a necessary precondition; otherwise,what are you doing there in the first place?), and that she apparently has some other qualities that make her more than just a sex partner.

Sounds harsh of me to say this, but she had better have those qualities in spades if the child custody and support picture is problematic. And you had better be prepared to spend the time and money necessary to raise those kids, or you are wasting both your time and hers.

Just walk away. 2 kids with 2 different fathers is all the warning you should need. Do your smashing elsewhere.

 

[LafayetteBear]

"Smash" has a whole new significance for me now. You learn something new every day...

I'm wondering if the Rush Chairman is keyed into this new terminology. That may have to wait a bit. Think he is on a family vacation.

 

[ga.lion]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

I'm still married to my college sweetheart after 40 years but I've had family members and friends in situations similar to you. My advice is go slow and see if you want all these added challenges. I'd learn as much as I could about her past relationships and take time to understand how you would fit in this puzzle. 2 kids and 2 fathers of those kids give you an 0-2 count as you step to the plate. Sadly based on what I've seen the odds are against a happy marraige forever....
But good luck!

 

[Peetz Pool Boy]

"Smash" has a whole new significance for me now. You learn something new every day...

I'm wondering if the Rush Chairman is keyed into this new terminology. That may have to wait a bit. Think he is on a family vacation.

I found your post to be "quite smashing"

 

[Bobpsu]

Are the 2ex's still alive?

 

[NittPicker]

Maybe she's looking for daddy #3.

 

[Nitwit]

A UF alum? Never marry outside of the fan base unless it's a division 3 school. Then it doesn't matter.

 

[Op2]

Nowadays in the US women have plenty of economic opportunity and also they completely control of the reproductive process. As a result, no man becomes a father unless a woman decides he will.

So I think looking at what kind of men the father of her children are gives some indication of her judgement. I don't mean if her and the guy get along since obviously they won't get along too well since if they did the couple would still be together. Rather I mean, are they interested in and supported of the human beings (babies) they co-created. If they're not then I'm wary of her judgement.

I will give a caveat though and that is, how old we she when these kids happened? If she was quite young then she gets a pass since a lot of people are foolish when they're young. But if she's well into her 20s and co-creating babies with bad human beings that don't care for the welfare of the humans beings they have co-created then I wonder about her judgement.

 

[FloridaLion02]

Nowadays in the US women have plenty of economic opportunity and also they completely control of the reproductive process. As a result, no man becomes a father unless a woman decides he will.

So I think looking at what kind of men the father of her children are gives some indication of her judgement. I don't mean if her and the guy get along since obviously they won't get along too well since if they did the couple would still be together. Rather I mean, are they interested in and supported of the human beings (babies) they co-created. If they're not then I'm wary of her judgement.

I will give a caveat though and that is, how old we she when these kids happened? If she was quite young then she gets a pass since a lot of people are foolish when they're young. But if she's well into her 20s and co-creating babies with bad human beings that don't care for the welfare of the humans beings they have co-created then I wonder about her judgement.

She was a senior in college 21 when she had her first one by accident and then 24 and married when she had the second one, but the man ended being abusive and an alcoholic. I like kids, I always wanted a family of my own. There's nothing more in the world that I could wish for than being a Dad myself...my concern is that maybe she's done having anymore kids and I'll never have the opportunity to become a Dad, teach a son how to throw a football, hit a baseball or take him or her to there first PSU game. I can still be a father figure to her others and love them all the same even if I had my own but let's be honest...I could build an amazing relationship with them but I'll likely never be there father and I can accept that only if I have the chance to have one of my own. My father was and is my role model and best friend and I want that connection someday with one of my own. Is it wrong of me to ask her if she would ever be open to having another child? Because that's my main worry is that I'll never truly get to become a real father and I'd rather be a single father than happily married with nothing to leave behind in the world. One of the kids father's I know is active in his life so I'd always be looked at as ,"he's not my real dad" no matter how great of s relationship I could form with him and without having the opportunity to have one of my own that aspect stings the most

 

[Osprey Lion]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

The part that would bother me is that she is already a two time loser with relationships. Either
she is not a good long term partner or has really bad taste in men.

 

[LafayetteBear]

Not only is it not wrong to ask her if she'd be open to having another kid, but you'd damn well better ask her if you feel that way.

 

[PSU-PITT/NY]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

The issues you are encountering are profound, dynamic and will become more complex as time goes on.
I would suggest that you (both) take a 3 day Seminar that will enable you to learn a lot more about yourselves and each other, with some of the best coaching available, given today's complex world.

http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/the-landmark-forum

I took on this work in 1979, after getting my MBA from Pitt. It was, and is, one othe the best moves I ever made in my life. And....... you will get to meet, see, more dynamic, educated, smashing woman
(and men) in a room of 200 people, over 3 days than you can find anywhere.

It will enable your to delve into your inner self in a way that you have not been able to do, on your own, in the past. You will need many new tools for communicating, listening, patience and fatherly wisdom, quickly. Your entire day, forever, will be consumed with matters relating to managing and caring for the children.

There will have to be genuine love. And you will need to enjoy taking on the challenge of growing everyday... !!!

Good luck... My friend

 

[NitneLiun]

You smashed. Now it's time to dash.

 

[BudatPSU]

Just don't tell her that her previous pregnancies have made her a little loose.

 

[psuro]

Know that her kids will always come first. And if they don't then she has some growing up to do herself.

Be careful if she starts to expect you to cover expenses for her kids -it will start small and then next thing you know you are buying them school clothes and then she expects even more.

Don't let her use your apparent feelings for her against you especially if her kids are part of the relationship equation

Get to know her first and if she starts to push thoughts of including her kids in time spent together from the beginning of the relationship I would say that is not a positive sign.

 

[ThePennsyOracle]

Need advice from some of the older members here or from those that have experienced dating a woman with kids. Recently I started seeing a girl a year older than me (29) with 2 kids. She was up front from the start and I didn't even think about it because she's smoking hot and I just was looking to smash. Unfortunately for me, turns out this chick is pretty awesome, UF alum, loves college football, intelligent and has a great career and her shit together. Hard not to like the girl....but she has 2 kids with I believe 2 different father's and is divorced. Usually I shun these types of women, but here I am
So my question is..is dating a woman with 2 kids (albeit young) a terrible idea? Am I just asking for a life full of wanting to blow my brains out or is it not so bad if the person's right? Usually I have no quarrels with hitting and quitting at any time but i actually respect her and I made the mistake of assuming she was just another airhead so I told her everything she wanted to hear so I could smash. Anyone with experienced advice would be much appreciated! Lol

Thanks for the reply...well I like kids and eventually want a family of my own, but I don't exactly know how I feel about stepping into a role like that so soon. Worried about the drama from their father's and so on, but yes I am open to it. I went into it with no expectations anything would come of it. Yes there are plenty of good looking women but to me this one is awesome. She's actually someone I could see a future with and it surprised me. So now before I get involved any further I need to decide on the kids situation so it's difficult. I am used to younger girls 20-23 that are ditzes. Not intelligent women with their shit together and a brain lol

Yeah I don't know what this girl is thinking either I still have some growing up to do, but I respect her so I at least treat her very well. I went into it with bad intentions only now it's all changed and I need to make a decision on the kids thing because this is the type of woman I'd finally grow up for and give up my old ways lol

I know nothing about her, or your, personal situation or how either of you have led life.

I will say that going through life with an attitude like yours (especially towards women) will make it impossible to fulfill your potential. Remember, everyone puts on pants one leg at a time, and all of our shit stinks.

 

[Eurotrash1]

If she is under 30 and has kids to two different men? There is crazy in her somewhere my friend....or?

 

[katchthis]

After reading the posts, many of which are quite insightful, I don't think you are ready for the maturity and patience that this relationship would require. I might be wrong. But for myself, I couldn't do all that at your age. Put some deep thought into it. I'm more worried about the kids forming and losing an attachment than the gal. Good Luck.

 

[nitanee123]

We are 30+ responses into this thread which, may I remind all of you, began with the premise that this woman is hot YET there hasn't been one call for a flag?!?

She's not family and doesn't sound like a serious relationship. So what am I missing?

 

[AWS1022]

She was a senior in college 21 when she had her first one by accident and then 24 and married when she had the second one, but the man ended being abusive and an alcoholic. I like kids, I always wanted a family of my own. There's nothing more in the world that I could wish for than being a Dad myself...my concern is that maybe she's done having anymore kids and I'll never have the opportunity to become a Dad, teach a son how to throw a football, hit a baseball or take him or her to there first PSU game. I can still be a father figure to her others and love them all the same even if I had my own but let's be honest...I could build an amazing relationship with them but I'll likely never be there father and I can accept that only if I have the chance to have one of my own. My father was and is my role model and best friend and I want that connection someday with one of my own. Is it wrong of me to ask her if she would ever be open to having another child? Because that's my main worry is that I'll never truly get to become a real father and I'd rather be a single father than happily married with nothing to leave behind in the world. One of the kids father's I know is active in his life so I'd always be looked at as ,"he's not my real dad" no matter how great of s relationship I could form with him and without having the opportunity to have one of my own that aspect stings the most

If you're number one thought is being a "real" father, then I don't think she's the right one. If she's not your number one thought at this point, then I think you need to look elsewhere. You need to be totally in love with the woman first and worry about the other things later. She needs to find someone who already has kids as well and they can deal with their baggage together. This is not a level playing field for you.

 

[Ian]

Exit stage right, dude! Two kids, two dads, and 28 yrs old.... smash and exit. Find someone else and start your own family. You don't need the drama. I have no problem with single moms. Married one myself. Family dynamics with the ex family always interesting. But two sets of grand parents and two dads and their baggage is not what you need.

 

[Obliviax]

There is no advice. Kids come first. Always will so if you can't get good with that, get out. And that means minimal time for partying and sex. That means time for running the kids to piano and soccer practice and being exhausted by Friday night.

As you know, there are red flags. That has been stated. But you need to follow year heart. You need to make sure you use contraceptives. You need to take one step at a time.

I'd suggest the four of you take a one-week vacation and see how that works out.

 

[lionlurker]

You beat me to it. Well said, especially your last line.

That last line was a classic, indeed.

I guess I'm glad that I'm too old to have participated in many of the pitfalls of the modern era.

 

[Fac]

At age 36 I married a woman with a 3 y/o boy. This was in 1993.
Father of boy was in the picture. There were times of fighting over custody rights and child support and going to court a couple of times. There were times that we fought over discipline for the child. Mom was and is still today very protective of her boy. Issues with the dad only lasted a couple of years as once he realized i wasn't in the picture to take over his role as dad but to be there for his son to assist in raising him. We had a daughter in 1995 and my step-son dad treats her like a daughter. It was a alot of work, some tears, many thoughts of what did I do but it worked out. My wife is my best friend and my step-son is a super young adult.
Raising other people's kids is not for everyone. it will be a challenge.

 

[artsandletters]

Just don't tell her that her previous pregnancies have made her a little loose.

Florida houses don't have basements. Where do you throw the hose?