How The Turd Stole Real

82bordeaux

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How The Turd Stole Real
By Dr. Carl

Every Nit down in Nitville liked Transfers a lot.

But the Turd who lived North of Iowa City did not! The Turd hated Transfers!

The whole Transfer season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be, perhaps, that his jock was too tight.

It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Turdy frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town, For he knew every Nit down in Nitville beneath was busy now hanging a Championship wreath. "And they're hanging their banners," he snarled with a sneer. "Tomorrow is Transfer Day! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his Turd fingers nervously drumming, "I must find some way to keep Real from coming! For, tomorrow, I know all the Nit girls and boys Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their dodgeballs and toys! And then! Oh, the cheers! Oh, the cheers! Cheers! Cheers! There's one thing I hate! All the WE ARE! PENN STATE! WE ARE! PENN STATE!

They'll stand close together, with white shirts gleaming. They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those Nits will be beaming.

And the more the Turd thought of Real transferring , The more the Turd thought, "I must stop this whole thing! Why for twelve long years I've put up with it now! I must stop Real from coming! But how?" Then he got an idea! An awful idea! The Turd got a wonderful, awful idea! "I know just what to do!" The Turd laughed in his throat. "I'll make a quick businessman hat and a coat." As he climbed to the roof, money bags in his fist. Then he slid down the NIL hole of which he hissed. If Cael could do it, then so could the Turd. Then he slithered and slunk, with his eye on Real, he spent every dollar until he had a deal!

All the Nits still a-bed, All the Nits still a-slumber, when he packed up his satchel, packed it up with their transfer. Ten thousand feet down, down into his sewer, He rode with his transfer ready to Tweet it! "Pooh-pooh to the Nits!" he was turdily humming. "They're finding out now that no Transfer is coming! They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Nits down in Nitville will all cry boo-hoo!

That's a noise," grinned the Turd, "that I simply must hear!" He paused, and the Turd put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low, then it started to grow. But this sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded glad! Every Nit down in Nitville, the tall and the small, Was singing without any transfer at all! He hadn't stopped Championships from coming! They came! Somehow or other, they came just the same! And the Turd, with his turd feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could it be so? It came without banners! It came without stalls! It came without transfers, dodges, or balls!" He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Turd thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Championships, he thought, don't come from a store. Championships, perhaps, mean a little bit more! And what happened then? Well, in Nitville they say That the Turd's small brain grew three sizes that day! And then the true meaning of Championships came through. It’s not hand fighting, and pushing how championships are won. It’s feeling grateful for what you have, and most of all…HAVING FUN!
 
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backdrft76

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Sep 7, 2012
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applause-standing-ovation.gif


I'm bookmarking this for Post of the Year consideration.
 

RoarLions1

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May 11, 2012
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Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it! But it does stink that we now have two whole thread devoted to the guy—as I’m sure he relishes that. Anyway, bravo!!
It's like we're trolling ourselves using a non-participant's persona.
 
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District four

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Feb 16, 2018
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He's another one I have on Ignore (not you D4).
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I'm about ready to put him on ignore. He can't seem to shake the stench of the cesspool and just likes to goad people into some sort of online pissing contest. He gets on my case about saying be smarter when the reason I said it to him is because he used the phrase before to belittle someone. Should have known that shit would go over his corn shaped head lol. Typical Iowa dueshebag
 

GogglesPaizano

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Feb 6, 2018
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Well proof once and for all that PSU doesn't have an endless slush fund, both Suriano and Woods were as close to done as you can get only to get out bid at the last minute.

So too with a top recruit this year via NIL.

Bottom line, I only want kids that want to be here and money should not be the top consideration by a long shot

PS - did you see the Ed Ruth interview? He said he was offered more elsewhere, and Cael said you have to earn the scholy. He also said 80% if you AA. Interesting. Maybe times have changed but I like the idea of earning your %.
 

backdrft76

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Sep 7, 2012
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I'm about ready to put him on ignore. He can't seem to shake the stench of the cesspool and just likes to goad people into some sort of online pissing contest. He gets on my case about saying be smarter when the reason I said it to him is because he used the phrase before to belittle someone. Should have known that shit would go over his corn shaped head lol. Typical Iowa dueshebag
Lol, sorry, I was referring to Angry Spyker whom I've got on Ignore. But at least we know how you feel about Turk. 🤣🤣
 

WildTurk

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Jul 25, 2011
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Lol, sorry, I was referring to Angry Spyker whom I've got on Ignore. But at least we know how you feel about Turk. 🤣🤣
It was pretty clear you were talking about tullfan68. Then he mention's things going over my head. 🤣
 

WildTurk

Well-Known Member
Jul 25, 2011
3,544
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I'm about ready to put him on ignore. He can't seem to shake the stench of the cesspool and just likes to goad people into some sort of online pissing contest. He gets on my case about saying be smarter when the reason I said it to him is because he used the phrase before to belittle someone. Should have known that shit would go over his corn shaped head lol. Typical Iowa dueshebag
You called me a due-she-bag 😆
You almost had it!
 

nerfstate

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Oct 10, 2017
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He also said 80% if you AA. Interesting. Maybe times have changed but I like the idea of earning your %.
I’ve not seen it publicly discussed before, but I’ve long had. hunch that this was how our coaches handle the 9.9 in general. There may be need-based adjustment, but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you get what you earn wrt scholarships.