Dying Father
- Thread starter mnuccio2
- Start date
Just lost my mother to cancer. My advice is to say everything that needs to be said. Was able to do that with my mom, and she was able to pass with no regrets and on her own terms.
Spend time with him.
Tell him you love him.
Tell him it’s ok to go.
Tell him you love him.
Tell him it’s ok to go.
I’m sorry about your fathers health. I hope your family makes the most of what time is left.
A
anon_1eeb2b426hv3y
Guest
Mnuccio2,
I’m so sorry for your news. You, your dad and your loved ones are in our thoughts and prayers. You’ve gotten some excellent words of advice and support already, especially those encouraging you to make the most of the time remaining, to be sure he’s at peace with his role and contributions in your lives and collecting remembrances, especially stories and videos to keep recollections from fading into soundbites that’ll someday fade further. If you can always see him in life, hear his voice, his laugh and see the way he was with you, it’ll be easier to feel he’s closer.
The one thing I’ll add—and I’m not sure it’s advice as much as sharing—is that one of my biggest regrets in life was not seeing my dad’s body after he moved on. Now is not the time to think about that. Cherish his life. But I don’t want anyone to experience that regret.
May God hold you close.
I would like to know more about your father. What did he do for a living? What were his favorite teams? Did he like dogs, what kind? Favorite stories?
We can't hold onto the people in our lives we cherish forever. But we can hold onto the things, the memories, the stories. Tom said it best, I think. Make recordings and do things with him (if he so desires) that will carry his influence and memory with his family into the future.
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My wish for you and your family is peace.
We can't hold onto the people in our lives we cherish forever. But we can hold onto the things, the memories, the stories. Tom said it best, I think. Make recordings and do things with him (if he so desires) that will carry his influence and memory with his family into the future.
https://musebycl.io/advertising/emo...RPTXFk-2ndBlW6cHGzW-f-tHj16AKYPHjBbdLCXCnkUTA
My wish for you and your family is peace.
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I'm so sorry for you and reading this thread reminds of why I love the BWI Board so much. My next door neighbor's dad recently passed and she ended her eulogy with 'we often hear that when we grow up, we become aware of our parent's faults. With my dad, we actually became more aware of just how awesome he truly was'.
Also, my old man has a handle on here and I know he'll probably see this, so Dad, I love you.
Also, my old man has a handle on here and I know he'll probably see this, so Dad, I love you.
Spend as much time with him as possible. He will love having you there and trust me you'll feel better. After reading your post I know you love your dad very much.
I lost my dad when he was 63, also diagnosed with cancer. From that point on I tried to spend as much time with him as possible. I took him to get his chemotherapy, helped him shower, we ate dinner together and on Saturday and Sunday mornings the whole family came over for a cup of espresso. My sister would bring his favorite cookies right from the bakery. On May 16th 2000 he passed away. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss him.
I lost my dad when he was 63, also diagnosed with cancer. From that point on I tried to spend as much time with him as possible. I took him to get his chemotherapy, helped him shower, we ate dinner together and on Saturday and Sunday mornings the whole family came over for a cup of espresso. My sister would bring his favorite cookies right from the bakery. On May 16th 2000 he passed away. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss him.
I’m proud to say I walk amongst you all. I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said. It will soon be your turn to carry the torch and you’ll do it well!
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
You will soon join the club in which none of us ever wanted to become a member. I lost my Dad a couple months ago. He lived a long, healthy and very active life into his upper 80s, but fell ill and was gone six weeks or so later.
My Dad and I were very close. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with him in his final weeks. We had a few good conversations when he was able, talking about the things we both enjoyed.
I hope you, too, are able to enjoy at least some of the time you have remaining with your Dad. You will miss him terribly once he is gone while, at the same time, look back fondly on the great times you spent together.
You will soon join the club in which none of us ever wanted to become a member. I lost my Dad a couple months ago. He lived a long, healthy and very active life into his upper 80s, but fell ill and was gone six weeks or so later.
My Dad and I were very close. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with him in his final weeks. We had a few good conversations when he was able, talking about the things we both enjoyed.
I hope you, too, are able to enjoy at least some of the time you have remaining with your Dad. You will miss him terribly once he is gone while, at the same time, look back fondly on the great times you spent together.
I think it appropriate to post the following poem by Jane Kenyon, who in 1995 died of cancer at the age of 47.
Let Evening Come
BY JANE KENYON
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the cricket take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclose her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come, as it will, and don’t
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
Let Evening Come
BY JANE KENYON
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the cricket take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclose her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come, as it will, and don’t
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
Lots of wisdom in these posts. Hard for me to add much that hasn't been covered.
Let me offer a somewhat different perspective. This year, I was treated for stage 4 colon and liver cancer. My treatment went better than I could have expected, and i had a great result. God willing, I've beaten this bastard.
From the time of my diagnosis, my main concern was for my kids. They're teenagers. I worried had I done enough for them, and I thought about not being around to help them in the future. I'm sure your dad would take comfort in knowing that he has done all that a father can do to prepare you for life, and while this is very hard, ultimately you will be fine. I think that's all any parent really wants.
God bless.
Let me offer a somewhat different perspective. This year, I was treated for stage 4 colon and liver cancer. My treatment went better than I could have expected, and i had a great result. God willing, I've beaten this bastard.
From the time of my diagnosis, my main concern was for my kids. They're teenagers. I worried had I done enough for them, and I thought about not being around to help them in the future. I'm sure your dad would take comfort in knowing that he has done all that a father can do to prepare you for life, and while this is very hard, ultimately you will be fine. I think that's all any parent really wants.
God bless.
Prayers to you and your family.
Its hard; losing a dad hurts and is a little like losing a moral compass and certainty; but love, memories, and time helps. Spent time with him now. Best wishes.
Its hard; losing a dad hurts and is a little like losing a moral compass and certainty; but love, memories, and time helps. Spent time with him now. Best wishes.
At the risk of betraying the otherwise somber tone of this beautifully thoughtful post, I extend my heartfelt congratulations and joy for your medical victory. You, sir, are now a grand example of hope for anyone fighting a similar fight.
So sorry to hear this. You, your father, and whole family is in my prayers. Spend every minute with him. I lost my dad to sepsis 3 years ago. He died on my mother’s birthday, 2 months after they celebrated their 50th anniversary. Her birthday is not celebrated anymore. It’s going to be hard, but keep family close. Remember good times and again spend every minute with him.
Pray for strength and guidance. Over and over. Keep your thoughts on what is best for your Dad and the rest of your family that may need you to have a clear head. Do your very best because in some mysterious way he and life prepared you for what you need to be right now. I've lost them all....in laws, parents, and my wife. I think we all "fall apart" at some point. The greatest tribute you can pay your Dad right now is to be there for him and your family. Please know that I am praying for you and Dad. God Bless!
Thoughts and prayers go out to your dad, you, and your family. I was 21 when my dad passed at 63 and I never got to truly talk to him man-to-man on an adult level and now knowing what it was like to be married, have children, raise a family, go to work every day to take care and provide for them and to thank him for that and all that he did.
Don't leave things go unsaid.
Don't leave things go unsaid.
So very sorry to hear this news. I will send prayers for comfort, strength, and grace to your father, you, and your loved ones. I lost my older brother @ 63 the day before Thanksgiving of similar conditions, and after 2 weeks in ICU on a ventilator. When the prognosis was certain - he asked to be taken off of the ventilator for his final hours. He was sedated most of the time except for the last few days. He was single and very close to my wife and I and asked us to be there until the end with him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I could not have imagined it any other way. I believe I was blessed with a positive outcome with colon cancer last year so that i could be there for him in his time of need.
Hold his hand and tell him how much you love him. If his condition allows - tell him of the wonderful memories you have of growing up and special times with him. Be strong for him, but seek support from others as you need it. The stress is daunting, so take breaks when you need to and do not feel guilty about it. There will be time to grieve after he passes, so spend as much time with him during the end of his journey as possible and you will have no regrets. This will be so terribly hard and you may feel lost at times, but he and your loved ones need you to be strong and kind.
Blessed be the caretakers, as they tend the pathways to Heaven.......
Hold his hand and tell him how much you love him. If his condition allows - tell him of the wonderful memories you have of growing up and special times with him. Be strong for him, but seek support from others as you need it. The stress is daunting, so take breaks when you need to and do not feel guilty about it. There will be time to grieve after he passes, so spend as much time with him during the end of his journey as possible and you will have no regrets. This will be so terribly hard and you may feel lost at times, but he and your loved ones need you to be strong and kind.
Blessed be the caretakers, as they tend the pathways to Heaven.......
So sorry to hear this. Give him and your family all the love you can. Both my parents are gone but to everyone, I say, express your love to mom, dad, spouse, children and others every time you leave them. The last words dad ever heard from me were “I love you dad.” He died suddenly two days later.
My mom and dad have passed, Cancer and ALS. The silver lining in the cloud is that you have each moment to time together. Let no moment go unwasted, no question unasked, no story untold, no words unsaid.
It will be an emotional roller coaster, but your whole family witll be the better for it.
I believe that even though my parents are physically passed, they are always with me. And I am an extension of them on this earth.
It will be an emotional roller coaster, but your whole family witll be the better for it.
I believe that even though my parents are physically passed, they are always with me. And I am an extension of them on this earth.
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