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Dying Father

mnuccio2

Well-Known Member
Gold Member
Sep 24, 2004
1,701
186
1
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx
 
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

That's a brutal thing to find out...I'm so sorry. My best advice would be just to make the absolute most of whatever time you have left with your dad. Don't let your worries over losing him rob you of whatever time you still have with him.
 
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

Your dad, and the rest of your family, will need you to reach deep within yourself and be as strong as possible. Let your dad know how much you love him. You, and your dad, will be in my prayers.
 
So sorry to hear this. I know whatever I say is insufficient but the guys who posted above gave great advice. Enjoy whatever time is left to the max. Let him know you love him. I remember when my father died many years ago, I was very glad afterwards that I let him know how much I loved him and that he was a really good father. I once heard it's like we're all at a hotel and we're all going to be checking out but we don't know when.
 
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just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

Spend every minute with him.

Comfort him.

I'm sorry to hear of this and will say prayers.
 
I think the above is good advice. This will be a heartbreaking loss which you will never forget, but do not let your fear and despair stop you from talking with him and spending time with him.

He, like most fathers, probably has doubts about how he did as a father. This is a great time to comfort him with how great a job he did as a father/grandfather/leader of your family and role model for you. You will never regret reassuring him. You will always regret it if you do not thank him.

My heart goes out to your family and you as you struggle with this. As much as it hurts, somewhere there is a reason for losing him. Someday it will be easier to understand.
 
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx
Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 
All of the above. No words, really.

Stay strong for the family and give thanks that you had an awesome father. Let him know how you feel, it will mean a lot to him. At this time, he is looking back, if he is mentally able. And the legacy he left lives on. I recall on of the speakers and Joe's wake said "Rest easy, Joe, We've got it from here." (or something close to that) . I thought that was awesome. Not everyone has been as lucky as you.
 
My dad passed away (sudden heart attack) when I was working in Minnesota. Dad lived in Pennsylvania all his life. I hadn't seen him for 10 months when the phone call came. He knew how much I loved & admired him. That's what I suggest... let him know how much he has meant to you and how you live your life through the LESSONS that he was taught you. GOD BLESS.
 
Peace be with you, friend. You and your family are in my prayers...a poignant lyric for your contemplation:

And the road
The old man paved
The broken seems along the way
The rusted signs, left just for me
He was guiding me, love, his own way
Now the man of the hour is taking his final bow
As the curtain comes down
I feel that this is just goodbye for now
 
I think the above is good advice. This will be a heartbreaking loss which you will never forget, but do not let your fear and despair stop you from talking with him and spending time with him.

He, like most fathers, probably has doubts about how he did as a father. This is a great time to comfort him with how great a job he did as a father/grandfather/leader of your family and role model for you. You will never regret reassuring him. You will always regret it if you do not thank him.

My heart goes out to your family and you as you struggle with this. As much as it hurts, somewhere there is a reason for losing him. Someday it will be easier to understand.

Good way to put it. I know when I check out, I want to know that my kids benefitted from all I did for them. Taking that assurance with me to the great beyond would be quite a pleasant send-off.
 
God bless your father you and your whole family sorry to hear about your father. Lost my father 2yrs ago in a similar way. If possible spend whatever time you can with him with your family. If you still have the chance to talk with him tell him how important he has been in your life tell him that you love him I wish that I would of had that chance. God bless. He will be in a better place with no more pain and suffering. God bless
 
Two things:
1- use this time to ask him how things were. Once he’s gone you’ll never get HIS perspective again.
2- take video of messages from him to use for future special occasions such as:
- weddings of loved ones
- birthdays
- anniversaries
 
Two things:
1- use this time to ask him how things were. Once he’s gone you’ll never get HIS perspective again.
2- take video of messages from him to use for future special occasions such as:
- weddings of loved ones
- birthdays
- anniversaries

All of the above is great but most important, I hope he believes in Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
 
first, your father, your family and you have my deepest sympathies.

as others have mentioned, rearrange your schedule to spend as much time as possible with your father in the coming days, weeks, and months. Also, start planning now for how you'll spend your holidays, your New Years, and watching PSU in a bowl game. You may get lucky, and get to do these things with your father in future years, but the odds are not in your favor, so make the most of these upcoming events.

while the diagnoses is terrible, and a shock to your system, to the best of your ability, flip it around and make a positive out of the situation. You've been given a forewarning that your time with your father is nearing its end. Many people are never given that type of heads up. In that context, think about filming your father talking about his childhood, his parents, his grandparents/relatives/etc. You may know most of the stories, but your children, grandchildren, or more distant relatives in future generations will thank you for whatever you record. In the same vein, think about your favorite stories that your father has told you over the years. If you can, film him talking about them, even if you're certain that you know them by heart. You'd be surprised how quickly you start forgetting certain details, and you'll be kicking yourself that you never recorded him talking about those stories (and also wishing he were still around to tell them to you).

to the extent that your father can travel while he's undergoing treatments, ask him if there are any places that he ever wanted to travel to. Or, are there any favorite places you've been to with him, or places you always wanted to go with him. Take some combination of the above, and take a trip or trips with your father.

Since the two of you have a shared love of PSU football, I'd suggest that you contact the PSU football office. You can do so by phone, by e-mail, or by mail. Explain the situation your father is facing, and ask if CJF could send your father a note, or give him a call, or send him a signed football, etc. (Don't ask for the sky. Think of what your father would most appreciate, and ask for that.)

With more time, I probably could come up with other suggestions. Alas, I have to wrap this up to head to an event. My final thoughts are to enjoy the time, and enjoy the discussions, you can have with your father in the coming days/weeks/months. He probably has a lot of wisdom to share with you, and the two of you can help each other to prepare for the future.

Best of luck, and don't hesitate to ask if there's anything the board can do to help you.
 
My condolences. There will be time for grief, as others have said, spend this time with your father and your family as judiciously as possible.


"For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
-Kahlil Ghibran
 
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

My dad passed of a heart attack while I was out of state and only 22. Never got the chance to say goodbye so take advantage of that. Share your love for each other while you have the time. Thank him for his love and guidance and let him know the model he has been for you. Prayers and great memories will help you through this difficult time. God bless you and your family................
 
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just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

All the guys above said it better than I could.

It's tough to lose a good Dad -- at whatever age. Young is even tougher though.

In any case, good Dads are a priceless gift. You have the precious chance to spend a few last days or weeks or months with him.

Take advantage of that opportunity to tie up loose ends, communicate your love, and help prepare him for the end. Or...maybe...the Beginning?
 
Two things:
1- use this time to ask him how things were. Once he’s gone you’ll never get HIS perspective again.
2- take video of messages from him to use for future special occasions such as:
- weddings of loved ones
- birthdays
- anniversaries

I agree with PSU 95 with the video/voice recording. My Dad passed away 4 years ago after a brief fight with kidney cancer for just under 5 months. About a month later I stumbled across a message from a few years previous on an old answering machine. I listen to that message often just to hear his voice and the advise he had for me at that time. Prayers up for you and your family mnuccio during this time.
 
just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

I lost my dad seven years ago this December. He had been in poor health for a while but the terminal diagnosis seemed to come out of the blue. I had thought I had a few years with him, then it was a matter of days. I can relate in many ways. Remember your dad built you for this, just like mine did. It hurts like crazy, and the tears are flowing, again, but you'll manage because of him. Take the time you have to be with him; others will understand, and whatever else is going on can wait Give yourself a lot of slack, and a lot of time once he passes. Big wounds take time to heal, and they don't come much bigger than this. Let the people close to you help you. I struggled to let my wife and my friends support me, in the end letting them doing it was the best thing I could do. Some days you may struggle to do more than just keep moving. It's okay, just be sure to keep moving. You and your family will be in my prayers.
 
Many on this board are of the age where both of their parents are gone. I am. My mother lasted 25 years longer than my father so my memories and feelings of their passing are different.

One thing you really only see after they pass is the number of people (family, friends, co workers, your friends, their parents, etc) that loved your father and want to share their recollections with you. So my advice is to spend time with him but do not make it sad times. Have friends over. Toast a few with them and your father. Hear the old stories. Make his last days enjoyable and make them fun for the others in his life.
 
Take the time and remember your best memories of him and the things you did together. He will live on in your life through all these wonderful thoughts and deeds. Be thankful for those times and take whatever positives forward in your own life knowing he set an example for how to be a good father.
 
Lost my dad 2 years ago. He needed a lung transplant but since he had low levels of prostate cancer UPMC said he wasn't a candidate. I still remember my dad asking the doctor what happens if I can't get a transplant he stated you have a month to live. He died within a week. I was glad I had time to say goodbye and spend time with my dad before he passed. Dad got to say goodbye to his family and close friends. It still hurts but at least I got to tell him goodbye and how much I loved him for being a good dad. Spend time enjoying what you both love to do and give him a big hug. My dad never cried but the day he was told he was going to die we both hugged and had a good cry together. I wish you the best and may God be with you and your family during this difficult time.
 
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 
I cannot add anything to what has already been posted. Remember that there are others who need your strength in this very trying time. May the good Lord wrap your father and his entire family in His arms. God bless you all.
 
Went through the same thing


My dad was sick for a couple of years before he died, he knew it but didn't tell anyone. He quit smoking at age 52, but the damage was done. Went in for pneumonia on Christmas and was diagnosed with late stage 4 cancer. In retrospect, I think he knew of his condition before and was just hoping his bad heart would fail die in his sleep.

Every man is different, but when the news hit I asked him how he wants to deal with this (and the family) and it was the best thing I did. I knew my sisters and I wanted a round-the- clock schedule and spend as much times as possible with him. He did not want that to my surprise. He wanted us to be with our families and poke our head every now and again. It was a request that was a battle to adhere to.

The nurses were the best source of info on his condition for the 3 months he was in and out of the hospital.

You will get through this and be a better man for it, because you will remember (and maybe start adhereing to) all the wise advice your old man bestowed upon you that will find you smiling blindly, in random situations, down the road.
 
Sorry to hear about this. Good luck to you, him, and the rest of your family. Praying for a miracle is never a bad idea. A novena to St. Jude is worth looking into.
I will add this bit of advice I learned from my mother’s long suffering before her death when I was 23. Your father knows his fate and he knows he doesn’t feel well. You and others visiting with him do not need to remind him of that fact. Laugh with him. Allow him to have a good time in the midst of the misery that will overwhelm him. And let him continue to be a dad. Nothing matters more to a mother or father than fulfilling their responsibilities in that role. Come to him for advice, problems, concerns. It will help him to feel a sense of worth. I can still remember my mother- with a tube down her throat, unable to talk, struggling for breath and life itself, having had last rites read to her by a priest the day before- writing down the recipe for her homemade chicken soup that I asked for because I didn’t know if I would ever have another chance to get that from her. She did it happily, with a sense of purpose, with pride. That was probably the best gift I ever gave her and probably the most tangible long-lasting gift she ever gave me.
 
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just learned my dad is dying of stage 4 lung cancer. He is also suffering from severe pneumonia and lung blood clots and fluid around the heart. Doesn’t have much time. I’m devastated as this has come out of nowhere. We were just watching the Maryland game together. It’s crazy. I’m lost for words and dying inside as I’m scared to lose my anchor my father. Any words of advice. Looking to you guys for support. Thx

I'm sorry to hear that. My father battled bladder cancer for 6 years and my sister battled ovarian cancer and blood cancer for 2 years. Through their pain and chemo I learned that life is so precious and we waste so much time on things that have no importance in this life. We worry about things out of our control and a lot of times fail to handle the things that we can control. I made sure I had no regrets and that they both knew that I loved them and apprecaited everything that they had done for me and how much my life was made better because of them.

I buried my father in May of 2016 at the age of 84 and my sister in October of 2016 at the age of 51. Roughest time of my life. Your family and your father will be in my prayers.
 
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