Deny, deny, deny. Then deny some more.
Anybody here friends with their long ago girlfriends?
- Thread starter diontechristmas
- Start date
Deny, deny, deny. Then deny some more.
A long time ago I developed a 5 step process when confronted with overwhelming evidence of poor behavior...
1) AGBTH - which stands for Always Go Back To "Huh?"
2) Answer a question with a question
3) Deny everything
4) Admit nothing
5) Make counter accusations
So, if a girlfriend would have said to me something like "Did you go to the strip club last night with your friends?"
I would respond with....
"Huh"
"Do you think I was at a strip club?"
"I wasn't there... wasn't me... where the hell were you last night?"
After my divorce 10 years ago I had a stampede of exes connect via social media. I connected with a couple, and we had some good times.
I'll add this to those who are opposed to social media. It is very easy to say no to a friend request,it is very easy to unfriend someone, it is very easy to clock someone. I did it all the time for awhile as I keep friend list very short.
I met up with my senior prom date a few times back then; she is a stunner still at 52, We had some good times, but she lived 12 hours away. She wanted be to be her person, if you're familiar with that ...
Anyway I stopped being her person when I started going out with my gf 7 years ago
as to the OP, it is a slippery slope
I'll add this to those who are opposed to social media. It is very easy to say no to a friend request,it is very easy to unfriend someone, it is very easy to clock someone. I did it all the time for awhile as I keep friend list very short.
I met up with my senior prom date a few times back then; she is a stunner still at 52, We had some good times, but she lived 12 hours away. She wanted be to be her person, if you're familiar with that ...
Anyway I stopped being her person when I started going out with my gf 7 years ago
as to the OP, it is a slippery slope
Best friend’s spouse is a HS classmate I “dated” just after graduating from HS 35yrs ago... with some additional encounters in the early-nineties immediately before I became committed to another gal who’d become my wife... encounters of which would be material and circumstances suitable for Penthouse Forum 
that past remains unspoken in social settings as she and her husband (my best friend of some 40yrs) are frequent guests to our home and both families have vacationed together, as our children are all of similar ages... had a few occasions where the four of us were together and it appeared conversation might migrate to the period(s) in question... i’d be loosening my collar like Rodney Dangerfield
Plenty of other skeletons / dirty laundry in my closet, though all are from my untethered years (1982-1992) when I had zero capacity to process emotion/feelings except those coming from my groinular region... proud to report I grew out of that sordid phase and made great life-decisions since... but my memories are vivid and effing great
that past remains unspoken in social settings as she and her husband (my best friend of some 40yrs) are frequent guests to our home and both families have vacationed together, as our children are all of similar ages... had a few occasions where the four of us were together and it appeared conversation might migrate to the period(s) in question... i’d be loosening my collar like Rodney Dangerfield
Plenty of other skeletons / dirty laundry in my closet, though all are from my untethered years (1982-1992) when I had zero capacity to process emotion/feelings except those coming from my groinular region... proud to report I grew out of that sordid phase and made great life-decisions since... but my memories are vivid and effing great
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Nope. Have no desire to reconnect with old gf's. Why would you want to if you supposedly are happily married? I love my wife and family and enjoy growing old with them. There are no other people I would want to be with on a day to day basis Talking to some old gf is just a waste of my time.There are too many things to do with my here and now why would I want to revisit the past like that? That being said, I am talking about serious girl friends that you had a deep relationship with in the past. I have had close friends that were girls, had deep conversations with, that I would not consider a "girl friend" that I am still friends with which would be okay in my opinion because they are just very close friends and were never more then that.
I texted my college GF yesterday actually. We haven't dated since we graduated in 2003.
I understand your point. We used to have lots of conversations about life and the future, and I knew her family well. I’m really just interested in knowing how she’s doing. Want to congratulate her on all of her success, the things she dreamed about back in the day that now appear to be a reality. I am very proud and happy for her, that’s really all. We had our chance but both moved on long ago so it’s not about anything other than that.
I do think I found my answer here however.
bwifan
Well-Known Member
Spoken truly like our chairman here at BWI.... well done sir!
I still occasionally touch base with a couple that are back east. It's interesting how all my old flames that were the busty, curvy type have not aged well at all, and the svelte athletic types remain very attractive decades later. Keep that in mind young lads.
Dude, write it down. Sounds like the plot of a Netflix rom-com.
LOL....Metal, wives are instinctive when it comes to disappearing magic tricks, find your missing socks yet?
bwifan
Well-Known Member
Don’t call, if she was important to you. Nothing good will come of it. Keep your memories, and that’s it.
I was serious with three women in my life.
The first dumped me with no reason. I ran into her several times and never approached her.
The second was someone who needed something I knew I would not be able to give her. We separated crying. I know I would still feel that hurt if I tried to contact her. 20 years later I was at a school concert for my son. When the concert was over I turned around and her father was sitting there. He looked at me and knew what I was thinking. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me she was happy, then walked away.
I was serious with three women in my life.
The first dumped me with no reason. I ran into her several times and never approached her.
The second was someone who needed something I knew I would not be able to give her. We separated crying. I know I would still feel that hurt if I tried to contact her. 20 years later I was at a school concert for my son. When the concert was over I turned around and her father was sitting there. He looked at me and knew what I was thinking. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me she was happy, then walked away.
A big hell to the no!! You say you are happily married...why jeopardize that? Like other posters I'm not sure what can be gained by reconnecting with a woman that you were once emotionally connected with for a few years. As you grow older, remember the good times of your youth, and remember there's a reason why she's an ex.
Let me share this with you since your initial post immediately made me think of the following....I had a male colleague I used to work with about ten years ago who apparently was going through a very similar thought process. He was 40 years old at the time, had a beautiful wife, two children...supposedly a great marriage. Well, he also decided to reconnect with a serious ex-girlfriend at first thru Facebook. (just to say an innocent hello, what's going on in your life....just curious to see where she was, how she was doing, etc.) This then led to months of texting back and forth with each other to eventually they decided to meet for a drink. His ex was also married, and the ex's husband suspected that she was cheating on him. He had hired a PI to "catch" his wife and that he did....from the bar to the hotel room. The ex was caught....she confessed to her husband who this man was...and the ex's husband then contacted my colleague's wife. A quick ending to two marriages over an innocent intention of just wanting to say "hello." Not saying this would happen to you, but something to think about.
Let me share this with you since your initial post immediately made me think of the following....I had a male colleague I used to work with about ten years ago who apparently was going through a very similar thought process. He was 40 years old at the time, had a beautiful wife, two children...supposedly a great marriage. Well, he also decided to reconnect with a serious ex-girlfriend at first thru Facebook. (just to say an innocent hello, what's going on in your life....just curious to see where she was, how she was doing, etc.) This then led to months of texting back and forth with each other to eventually they decided to meet for a drink. His ex was also married, and the ex's husband suspected that she was cheating on him. He had hired a PI to "catch" his wife and that he did....from the bar to the hotel room. The ex was caught....she confessed to her husband who this man was...and the ex's husband then contacted my colleague's wife. A quick ending to two marriages over an innocent intention of just wanting to say "hello." Not saying this would happen to you, but something to think about.
I guess the concern about maintaining friendships is if you are married or not. Since I am not married, I don't see an issue with reaching out to old girlfriends. But I can see where a wife might be upset.
That said, keep in mind this - there is a reason she is your ex and there is a reason you are her ex.
That said, keep in mind this - there is a reason she is your ex and there is a reason you are her ex.
I'm connected to my prom date from 1985 on Facebook. Let's just say everything worked out well for me.
Thought this was about to go a different direction and I was going to ask you how you got your wife into swinging with your ex.
Kinda covered in song by Fogelberg and Chapin...
I wonder how many will get the reference?
It took me a long time to grow up and I wasn’t a very good boyfriend back in my younger years. I was a good-looking guy and full of myself and also drank too much. It would be tough having to revisit those awkward days.
I guess I’m in the minority. From a certain distance it’s not that different than reacquainting with an old same-sex friend. I got over the whole having sex had to mean something thing long ago. Given much of the talk in here I’d have thought many others had too.
With that said, I don’t have much deep conversation with my exes even though I don’t think any have a reason to hate me - in fact most parted on good terms and we stayed in touch for at least some time.
With that said, I don’t have much deep conversation with my exes even though I don’t think any have a reason to hate me - in fact most parted on good terms and we stayed in touch for at least some time.
Same here I pulled some jerk moves back then
wow, that had to be tough. but you are single, right?
I'd never take the chance on doing that even if my wife "said" it was OK. I mean, if you are tiger woods or Gronk it may be a different story. If I was single, no problemo.
Yeah it was. Brought home just how quickly time passes and how fragile it is.
Lots of good advice here. Here's my $0.02 that nobody in the real world cares about, but GD it, this is a message board, so: Clarify in your mind why you have the urge to reconnect. If you can sell yourself on the notion that your intentions are purely honorable, then choose a non-threatening medium and be transparent about it with the Mrs.
"A Guide for the Married Man"...one of the all time great sleeper movies...that and "Man's Favorite Sport".
Don't do it. The past is in the past.
I have an ex from a serious past relationship, and we were perfect for each other ... high school, into college and then we revisited it for a bit even into law school. We really "should" have gotten married, and it was at that point in the relationship where I felt I either had to commit to marriage and start the rest of our life together, or let it go and see what would happen in the "new" life ... and I let it go, as we were attending different law schools far from each other, and we were headed on different paths.
There wasn't anything wrong with the relationship beyond circumstances and timing. If we had never gone to law school, or both gone to the same law school, we'd probably still be together and have a fine family and life.
But I met my now-wife shortly after "officially" breaking it off with the ex, and it's perfect, as well. It fit. Her, and the circumstances. My life is great, and I have great memories of the past relationship as well ... but that's where it should stay. I know my ex's current situation, and things turned out quite well for her, and I'm very happy. Wouldn't want anything less for her. But I wouldn't change anything in my life.
Most likely if you contact her, you're either going to stir up unnecessary trouble in your current relationship, or you'll lose some of the shine off of the memories you have of that past relationship.
Best friend’s spouse is a HS classmate I “dated” just after graduating from HS 35yrs ago... with some additional encounters in the early-nineties immediately before I became committed to another gal who’d become my wife... encounters of which would be material and circumstances suitable for Penthouse Forum
that past remains unspoken in social settings as she and her husband (my best friend of some 40yrs) are frequent guests to our home and both families have vacationed together, as our children are all of similar ages... had a few occasions where the four of us were together and it appeared conversation might migrate to the period(s) in question... i’d be loosening my collar like Rodney Dangerfield
Plenty of other skeletons / dirty laundry in my closet, though all are from my untethered years (1982-1992) when I had zero capacity to process emotion/feelings except those coming from my groinular region... proud to report I grew out of that sordid phase and made great life-decisions since... but my memories are vivid and effing great
Good times!!
During my late 30’s and early 40’s I ran into a couple of ex-girlfriends at parties that were being hosted by my sister. Since they were both just divorced I kept the conversations on the light side, very light to be honest. The Truth is I’m just too dam weak to handle a friendly relationship with someone I had sex with like a machine when I was 22 years old. Don’t do it!
F*cking like a rabbit can be hard on your back as you get older.
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