When was the last time you.....
- Thread starter republion
- Start date
Food poisoning about 15 years ago. Driving to Florida and the KFC in Lake City Tennessee did me wrong. By Macon, GA, I had to stop. Went to a motel where the guy in the office is behind a screen while you stand outside. Mid-transaction, I puke all over the place. Get a room, and I’m just living on the toilet, alternating which end things are coming out. Finally I need some sleep. My sphincter had given up by this time, having done too many sets to failure already. I woke up in the bathtub, boxers lightly soiled. Rinsed them to be considerate, threw them out, and got back on the road. It was my wife and my first vacation together...
In 70, Cambodia and/or nam! Eating/sleeping on the ground 24/7, especially during the monsoon and its' mud, is just asking for it. Like real sanitary conditions! Dysentery was just a way of life. Sadly, fatigues only every three days and, if lucky, a shower once a month so lived with shity pants. We were out for 47 days once. I ended up being the company commander's RTO and can still recall, one time the day before we were going to be extracted back to the firebase for a couple days, him telling battalion, "You better have some tbones for us, because we've been out here 47 days!" War movies only focus on the violence, it is about 20% or less of what grunts endure (although I do have lead in me and saw men to my left and right get get killed). Insects (malaria twice), leeches, snakes, rats, etc, etc, etc!
12:00 pm - Grab a pizza with friend who ordered it with "long hots". Never had them before, but was told they were not too spicy... pretty good indeed!
3:30 pm - Grab a flight - EWR to Charleston SC. No problems
6:30 pm - Land in Charleston. Rent a big Ford Explorer. Start off on my 50 minute drive to a Hampton Inn...
7:15 pm - On the interstate - noticing that the Long Hots want out - and want out bad.... but only 5 minutes from the hotel - I have a fighters chance...
7:16 pm - Squeezing tight.... forehead sweating.... but I got this....
7:17 pm - Squeezing tight ... but man I've got Vesuvius ready to blow ... but I got this....
7:18 pm - Exit is there and the Hampton Inn light is straight ahead... I got this
7:19 pm - Pull into the front vestibule of hotel. Now here's the problem... to get out of the Ford Explorer means I have to basically move my butt and climb down from the captain type chair. To accomplish this maneuver, I lose my squeeze tight... which means instant evacuation...
7:20 pm - Put the car in drive and head to isolated portion of back parking lot. It's still light out but I can sort of hide behind the door. I loosen my belt buckle, try to shimmy down pants and with one move attempt to spin my bare ass out of the truck so I can sh*t right out of the door.
Unfortunately, the spin move didn't work. I ended up with stuff half in the pants, half out the door....
Worse part - when I get to the lobby, the Men's room is 'Out of Order' and a line of three people are waiting to Check-In in front of me... I was way ahead of the 6 foot social distance routine...
3:30 pm - Grab a flight - EWR to Charleston SC. No problems
6:30 pm - Land in Charleston. Rent a big Ford Explorer. Start off on my 50 minute drive to a Hampton Inn...
7:15 pm - On the interstate - noticing that the Long Hots want out - and want out bad.... but only 5 minutes from the hotel - I have a fighters chance...
7:16 pm - Squeezing tight.... forehead sweating.... but I got this....
7:17 pm - Squeezing tight ... but man I've got Vesuvius ready to blow ... but I got this....
7:18 pm - Exit is there and the Hampton Inn light is straight ahead... I got this
7:19 pm - Pull into the front vestibule of hotel. Now here's the problem... to get out of the Ford Explorer means I have to basically move my butt and climb down from the captain type chair. To accomplish this maneuver, I lose my squeeze tight... which means instant evacuation...
7:20 pm - Put the car in drive and head to isolated portion of back parking lot. It's still light out but I can sort of hide behind the door. I loosen my belt buckle, try to shimmy down pants and with one move attempt to spin my bare ass out of the truck so I can sh*t right out of the door.
Unfortunately, the spin move didn't work. I ended up with stuff half in the pants, half out the door....
Worse part - when I get to the lobby, the Men's room is 'Out of Order' and a line of three people are waiting to Check-In in front of me... I was way ahead of the 6 foot social distance routine...
I was about 24, and just super trashed. I walked home from my friends place and went to bed. Got the spins bad and went to the bathroom to puke. As I was puking I felt things letting loose on the other end. Faced with an impossible decision I continued to puke in the toilet thinking I could hold the rest in... I was wrong. In retrospect, I should’ve grabbed the trash can and sat on the crapper, but was not thinking clearly. Thankfully this is my one any only incident since the age of which I can remember.
My last summer at state moms and I shared a cedarbrook apt. Around halfway thru I got a 4+ day schitt sickness. Day 5 i tell moms I’m ready to venture forth so we head to our buddies frat. we‘re just past Acacia and I announce we gotta go back cause I schitt myself. Do you believe she married me 18 months later? lol
I’m waiting for the poll on how many times a day. I think I might have a chance to win it.😳😂, unless Bob counts his recent colonoscopy prep day.
After 6 days in Brazil, where I tried very hard not to drink the water, the nightmare started on an international flight from Rio to Dulles and ended in all of its glory standing in line at immigration. Fortunately I had an inkling that things were not quite right before the flight so I put a backup pair in my briefcase.
Everyone's worse international travel nightmare began for me about 3-4 hours into my flight but, luckily, I was able to make it to the lavatory, the same happened a few hours later but I again I was lucky as there was no line.
After landing I made a tactical error thinking I could get through immigration before the next wave, but this time I was not so lucky. As I was standing in line I realized that things were no longer under my control. I handed my passport to the immigration officer, trying to maintain my composure with what I was sure was a disaster to my rear. After getting through immigration I rushed to the nearest bathroom and my worst fears were confirmed. Fortunately most of the detritus passed on the plane and I had my backup pair so I could at least make myself presentable but a perfectly good pair of kakis were ruined.
Everyone's worse international travel nightmare began for me about 3-4 hours into my flight but, luckily, I was able to make it to the lavatory, the same happened a few hours later but I again I was lucky as there was no line.
After landing I made a tactical error thinking I could get through immigration before the next wave, but this time I was not so lucky. As I was standing in line I realized that things were no longer under my control. I handed my passport to the immigration officer, trying to maintain my composure with what I was sure was a disaster to my rear. After getting through immigration I rushed to the nearest bathroom and my worst fears were confirmed. Fortunately most of the detritus passed on the plane and I had my backup pair so I could at least make myself presentable but a perfectly good pair of kakis were ruined.
That’s a situation where an adult diaper would’ve been in play for that flight home.
Or The Shartful Dodger.
I am honestly shocked that I have never crapped my pants. It’s not an uncommon theme amongst my friends (during a lull at a gathering my brother is known to ask, “OK, who’s got a shit your pants story?” and everybody has one besides me). I’ve had many close calls but have not loaded my pants yet.
Last week. However due to my colon cancer recovery I have an advantage doing this. Once you get disconnected and then reconnected seems the entire operating system contracts "Shit for Brains" and gets lazy at times.....and decides to simply purge itself.....not all at once though. Anyway, I know we have a few colon cancer survivors in this room and am wondering if they have the same experience? Had my operations in 2017 and so far in remission.
Wonderful. Was it an easy recipe?
Same here.I have had quite a few turtles where I figured the jig was up but have been able to hold back.
I remember as a young kid in winter Mom used to dress me like a mummy.Running across the street To a snowball fight or should I say shambling I got hit by a car.Guy had slammed on his breaks but slide into me.I bounced off his car and also slide like a spinning top.Policeman sees this and wants to run me to the hospitaL.Asked me where I lived And we head to the house and mom agrees with the officer.Bottom line I told mom I needed to clean up before the ride lol
so I guess that qualifies as a dirty pants story?
I just got a basic idea like this https://www.willcookforsmiles.com/jambalaya/
and cranked the rotella.
this is pretty much my fav food ever
Sorry to hear this. A medical condition that causes this surely isn’t anything to laugh at.
I agree it isn't something to laugh at....but if pooping my pants allows me to stay alive, I'll be happy to announce "Clean up in back area" and run to the bathroom!
Similar threads
