ADVERTISEMENT

Youth sports has a problem, two of them: Mom and Dad (link)

I don't agree that parents should not show up at games. My feeling is if parents cheer in an encouraging manner for everyone on the team (not just their own child) that it makes for an enjoyable, supportive environment. When parents only cheer for their kid and/or make negative comments toward either team or officials it sends a terrible message to the youth. I also agree this country needs more kids getting into unorganized (i.e. pick-up) games for them to truly enjoy a sport, otherwise they learn too early that sports can be more of a business than a recreation. This is based on coaching youth sports for about 15 years.

Another point he brings up that I am a firm believer in is parents need to get involved in aspects of their children's life other than sports. Who their friends are, what they're doing in school and how they are doing in non-sport activities (music, dance, etc) are just as (if not more) important than watching Billy's baseball game.
 
  • Like
Reactions: N&B4PSU
I don't agree that parents should not show up at games. My feeling is if parents cheer in an encouraging manner for everyone on the team (not just their own child) that it makes for an enjoyable, supportive environment. When parents only cheer for their kid and/or make negative comments toward either team or officials it sends a terrible message to the youth. I also agree this country needs more kids getting into unorganized (i.e. pick-up) games for them to truly enjoy a sport, otherwise they learn too early that sports can be more of a business than a recreation. This is based on coaching youth sports for about 15 years.

Another point he brings up that I am a firm believer in is parents need to get involved in aspects of their children's life other than sports. Who their friends are, what they're doing in school and how they are doing in non-sport activities (music, dance, etc) are just as (if not more) important than watching Billy's baseball game.
 
Agree 100%. I've played soccer (since@ 1971, coached ("D" license), , and refereed(13 years).
Friends with many other soccer and basketball referees. --- Things have gotten progressively worse, particularly over the last @10 years.

Too much venom, unsporting behavior, and downright nastiness both from players, "coaches," and especially the fans (parents). It mirrors the general decline in "espirit de corps," or general good natured communal behavior of our societies' earlier times.

As a coach, I always coached and played positive, win or lose. Players were taught to "be humble in victory, and gracious (sporting) in defeat." Loose canon players were reformed or sat on the bench until reformed,-- we policed and corrected our own. Respect for all... Play hard, sporting, and fair.

Times have changed, and not for the better...
 
  • Like
Reactions: N&B4PSU and GLOTOWN
I wish my folks had seen me play more than once--though to be fair, I only became an athlete in college. While I was a varsity chess player in HS, it's not exactly a spectator sport.

I've coached youth soccer. How? WWJD--where the J is Joe. Play hard and fair and respectfully. Not that it was easy with u10 and u11 boys. They tend to be buttheads at that age (though I loved coaching them anyway).
 
Speaking of youth sports, my five year old came up to me the other day and asked if I ever played Tee-ball. I'm thinking cool, my boy is starting to get into sports. I have a park across the street from my house and I start thinking I should get a tee-ball setup and have him start hitting some balls. He then follows up his statement with, "Do they make tee-ball for the Xbox?" Shaking my head.
 
  • Like
Reactions: psualt
That's not very sensitive to single parent families, or same sex parents.
 
I will also add that money has become a big part of youth sports as well and con tributes to a lOT of the issues. When i was a child, we played sandlot in hopes of one day becoming a professional athlete. Now, kids specialize and play on travel teams while adults train, organize events, build facilities, etc. all to take advantage of the parents who believe their child will make it to a high level if they pay a bunch of money. With money on the line, parents turn sports into a chore for the child because they set demanding expectations. Kids cant just have fun anymore.
 
  • Like
Reactions: OMPats13
I will also add that money has become a big part of youth sports as well and con tributes to a lOT of the issues. When i was a child, we played sandlot in hopes of one day becoming a professional athlete. Now, kids specialize and play on travel teams while adults train, organize events, build facilities, etc. all to take advantage of the parents who believe their child will make it to a high level if they pay a bunch of money. With money on the line, parents turn sports into a chore for the child because they set demanding expectations. Kids cant just have fun anymore.

You hit the nail on the head. I have talked to many parents who actually are spending $5,000 - $10,000 a year on their kid for sports training with the honest realistic expectation that they are going to get a full ride schollie to college. It is very strange as it is not like any of these parents were Div 1A schollie athletes such that there might be some genes and pedigree to get there. These are normal everyday people who played high school sports and maybe some Div II/III stuff. And they do honestly believe that if they spend this money, their kid will get a full ride. These are kids that are not even the best players on their local youth travel teams, yet the parents think somehow that the 3rd or 4th best kid in the local travel soccer team is going to get a full ride to college.
 
I will also add that money has become a big part of youth sports as well and con tributes to a lOT of the issues. When i was a child, we played sandlot in hopes of one day becoming a professional athlete. Now, kids specialize and play on travel teams while adults train, organize events, build facilities, etc. all to take advantage of the parents who believe their child will make it to a high level if they pay a bunch of money. With money on the line, parents turn sports into a chore for the child because they set demanding expectations. Kids cant just have fun anymore.

Agree 100% with this ^^^
 
Parents at youth games are the worst. Yelling at officials at that level is just pathetic. I stop the game, go over to them and ask if they realize they are screaming at officials in a third grade church league game. Usually their wives are so embarrassed that the husband never says another word
 
I will also add that money has become a big part of youth sports as well and con tributes to a lOT of the issues. When i was a child, we played sandlot in hopes of one day becoming a professional athlete. Now, kids specialize and play on travel teams while adults train, organize events, build facilities, etc. all to take advantage of the parents who believe their child will make it to a high level if they pay a bunch of money. With money on the line, parents turn sports into a chore for the child because they set demanding expectations. Kids cant just have fun anymore.


Good post. The money aspect is insane. I travel a lot and it is rare that I'm not sharing a hotel / convention center with some sort of national competition.

Just the other day it was a dance moms sort of thing. all the dancers are on teams and they are competing.

the time before that it was cheerleading

The time before that it was one of the UA sponsored football things.

Parents are blowing a ton of money on these things.

The above said the issue is this isn't about the kids. It is about the parents. The kids are just as happy playing soccer with their friends or riding their bike to the 7 eleven. Actually probably happier.

LdN
 
We have a meet the coaches night each sports season where the AD goes over needed paperwork, policies and expectations for players, parents and coaches. When he said to the entire crowd that the JV teams were more for development and that the school didnt care too much about their records but rather the development and learning by the players; some parents yelled and one came up to us and asked that if he didnt make varsity, could he just practice with them instead of play JV. We told him no and he transferred the next day.
 
Times haven't changed as much as everyone here wants to believe. The reality is there are really only a handful of people that ruin it for everyone else. The same as it has always been.

I will say I have two sons one of which plays travel baseball. We spend a fair amount of money traveling for baseball each year and attend all the PSU wrestling and a few basketball games. That is what we do as a family. I know people that will lease hunting ground for $5k a year or go camping every weekend. Maybe even a few of you have season tickets for PSU and spend a lot of money there. My question is why does anyone have a problem with how this money is spent?

I have no thoughts that somehow this translates into a scholarship and if I did think that it would be misguided. I can tell you there were probably only two people on my son's teams over the years that actually believed in this.
 
I would argue that youth sports have changed dramatically over the last 10-15 years. Disney's Wide World of Sports exists strictly for this purpose. All the high school football showcases around the country put on TV...all the national talent showcases, etc. Heck...aside from football, college coaches don't even scout high schools anymore. A kid has to play on a showcase team if they desire to one day play in college.

I actually have a daughter on a travel basketball team. I spend lots of money on this stuff. I would say I'm not the norm in comparison with the other parents on the team. I do it because I can afford it and my daughter loves the game and craves the escalated competition. I do not do it in hopes of a college scholarship. If it happens, great, but I will let her stop tomorrow if she expressed the desire. I want her going to school for a course of study, not to major in something less demanding so she can play basketball. Many of the girls on my daughters team come from under privileged backgrounds and the parents are very much hoping for a ticket to college.
 
I agree with PSUALT. Many of you are painting with a broad brush.

There have always been obnoxious parents, so lets not pretend that is something new.

I have a daughter who does competitive gymnastics and another who plays soccer. We spend a good deal of time, money, and energy on this. We have planned two vacations around competitions at Disney World. And, guess what, we love every second of it, and so do my kids. The second either of them wants to stop, we will stop.

In the mean time, they have made a lot of good friends, and my wife I and I have made some good friends. The kids have learned to focus, to practice hard, to be good sports, to be good teammates, etc. They are in great shape and have learned to budget their time between school and practice (they are both very good students). There is zero chance that either of them gets even a partial schollie. And, that's fine.

And, I have never yelled at a coach, a judge, or a referee. Muttered under my breath--sure. But no yelling.
 
  • Like
Reactions: psualt
I don't know that I agree with the skip the game concept that the author is forwarding. I think today more parents set up shop at practices as well and that is more of the issue. When I was younger parents would drop off at the practice and go do something else. Now they set up their chairs right near the practice field and in a lot of cases treat it like a game. My dad was a coach for many years and commissioner of the Little League for 5 years as well while my brothers and I were that age. I learned a lot from him about dealing with Parents. I coached my son's team when he was in T Ball and had a really funny incident with a parent. His son was not one of the more athletic kids on the team and neither was the parent. I was working with the child on hitting and there were about 15 of the parents sitting behind the backstop. He was having a terrible time making contact because his hands were spread out on the handle of the bat and he was standing wrong. I corrected both things several times and the father starts yelling from behind the backstop to his son to change back what I just corrected. After two or three comments I called over one of my assistant coaches and said take the kids out to the outfield and have them catch fly balls. I then gathered all the parents together and we had a talk about what was acceptable and what was not. The father started in on me and I listened for a minute then made a simple statement to him and the other parents. I said if you think you know better than the coaches how to teach your child to play you are welcome to take him home with you right now but if he wants to play on this team you will let us do the coaching. I then looked at all of them and said my job is to coach, the kids play and your only job is to cheer and clap when they do something good. Other than that let them have fun and learn. I didn't have a single problem after that with any of the parents.
 
I actually think this is a good idea in small doses. As a referee, I can tell you it helps both me and the coaches the further away we are from the parents and fans. Players have less distraction from the sidelines so they focus better on playing and listening to what their coach has to say. Some of the encounters I've had in my ten years of being an official would make you head spin.
 
That's ridiculous. Why don't they ask David Taylor if his dad should've stayed away from youth wrestling tournaments. My 12 year old won the freestyle state championship. Who do you think corners these kids most of the time? My family travels to a lot of wrestling tournaments. I have three other children who love to go and support their brother. Good parents belong with their kids. Bad parents are just bad parents. I hope nobody believes they should be missing their kids games or leaving their kids to some goof coach who is only interested in coaching because HIS kid is playing. Yeah let's leave our kids to strange coaches. Hmmmmm. What could happen?
 
Last edited:
Just to add, I had no problem sending my kid to Iowa with the Strittmatters, who are not "strange coaches". Parents should be responsibly involved. No two ways about it.
 
I don't know that I agree with the skip the game concept that the author is forwarding. I think today more parents set up shop at practices as well and that is more of the issue. When I was younger parents would drop off at the practice and go do something else. Now they set up their chairs right near the practice field and in a lot of cases treat it like a game. My dad was a coach for many years and commissioner of the Little League for 5 years as well while my brothers and I were that age. I learned a lot from him about dealing with Parents. I coached my son's team when he was in T Ball and had a really funny incident with a parent. His son was not one of the more athletic kids on the team and neither was the parent. I was working with the child on hitting and there were about 15 of the parents sitting behind the backstop. He was having a terrible time making contact because his hands were spread out on the handle of the bat and he was standing wrong. I corrected both things several times and the father starts yelling from behind the backstop to his son to change back what I just corrected. After two or three comments I called over one of my assistant coaches and said take the kids out to the outfield and have them catch fly balls. I then gathered all the parents together and we had a talk about what was acceptable and what was not. The father started in on me and I listened for a minute then made a simple statement to him and the other parents. I said if you think you know better than the coaches how to teach your child to play you are welcome to take him home with you right now but if he wants to play on this team you will let us do the coaching. I then looked at all of them and said my job is to coach, the kids play and your only job is to cheer and clap when they do something good. Other than that let them have fun and learn. I didn't have a single problem after that with any of the parents.

I totally agree. There are a lot of reasonable posts in this thread about the state of youth sports, but the article in the OP was pretty worthless.
 
As a coach of my kids soccer team, I need parents at games and practices. I must deal with coaching 15 girls. They are around 10 years old. They get bumps, bruises, got o the potty etc.... If the parent isn't there I must stop practice, and take care of the kid. If the parent is there, I can have the parent deal with it.

It is also something we enjoying doing as a family. We like to travel to the away games, talk to parents from the other areas. It is a great way for the kids to makes friends.
 
I have been a coach for my son and daughter's travel soccer teams for the past few years and am our club's board. Soccer has become a big part of our life (especially in the fall) and while none of my kids are going to become professional athletes (the genes aren't there!), they love being on a team, they love competing, and they love getting out there and playing. Especially today -- when kids default to sitting inside and playing on iPads or whatever -- I think it's important as ever before to get kids involved in sports. It gets them outside, it teaches them the value of hard work, it gives them the experience of being on a team and working together toward a shared goal, and with the proper coaching and direction (this is key, of course, and where so many of the major problems with youth sports crop up), it can instill important lessons about leadership and sportsman ship. Some of my favorite days are the fall Saturdays when I get to see my kids compete and play -- win or lose, whether they play well or not. I am proud of them for being out there and doing their part, and if it comes down to a Penn State game vs. one of their games, I always choose them. The idea that parents shouldn't be there at all is quite frankly ridiculous and, essentially, nothing more than click bait by the author.

I have been doing the travel soccer thing for about five years now so I've seen the good and bad of it, and I would say there is 90 percent good vs. 10 percent bad. Most of the kids involved are great kids who have a great experience. Most of the parents who are involved--whether as coaches, or team managers, board members, refs, field managers or whatever--are good people who want to give some time and energy back to their community. My kids have made some of their best friends through soccer and my wife and I have, too. We really enjoy it.

Of course, there are those who do their best to ruin it. There arae parent/coaches who run their teams with only their kid in mind. There are overzealous clubs and coaches who really do think that winning is all that matters, and will do anything to make that happen, when the actual idea is to help kids get better at soccer. There are idiot parents who spend the entire game berating the refs -- guys who, in my mind, are true saints for going out there each week, getting paid maybe $20 per game, and spending most of their afternoon getting yelled at. And there is a subset within the culture that simply goes crazy with it, having their kids playing 3 or even 4 games in a day and having them compete year-round to the exclusion of any other sport. That part of it is nuts, of course, but I think you see that in everything -- whether it's dance or music or academics.

In short, the article just strikes me as a weak attempt to throw an entire culture under the bus.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: hlstone and psualt
ADVERTISEMENT