Update on my wife's battle with cancer

jjw165

Well-Known Member
Jan 18, 2005
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PSU Soupy, there are many of us out there that share you and your wife’s journey. My mother-in-law passed of cancer 14 years ago at the age of 49. Two years ago at age 42, I was diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, today I am in remission. It changes everything. Thank you for expressing your thoughts and feelings about your wonderful wife.
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flinter

Well-Known Member
Gold Member
Dec 19, 2008
2,454
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I send along my condolences to you and your family. As someone who worked with cancer patients and their loved ones for over 30 years, I have been a witness to what this terrible disease has done to so many. Their journeys have also revealed to many of them what true love and support means. Emotional pain brought on by cancer can truly identify many ways in which a reconciliation can occur to assist with discovering the meanings of life! Soupy, from your perspective that you so bravely shared, you get it as well as so many I have had the honor to know and support! I will continue to wish you the best in your journey!!
 

fairgambit

Well-Known Member
Aug 20, 2010
31,236
33,907
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For the past couple of years I have been updating the board on a metatastisis of my wife's eye cancer. She had the eye cancer 16 years ago......no metatastisis until 2 years ago when it showed up on her yearly scans...(always a nervous time). She passed away two weeks ago after battling the cancer by going from TN to Philadelphia weekly for about 1 year. I accompanied her about 2/3rd of the trips....stayed in the houses of friends from PSU. She was very brave, very strong in fighting but in the end the disease is practically undefeated once it metastisizes.........

I watched pieces of the U of M game with a house full of people for a wake after a mass at our church the day before. I also watched pieces of the second half of the Rutgers game from a restaraunt in PA where we took my wife to be buried next to her father.

I enjoyed watching the little that i got to watch.....it was surreal as the game just did not come close to mattering to me as it has for the past 30 years....due to what I was dealing with, with regard to paying respect to my wife's wishes and being strong for my 3 kids. My wife died at 55 years of age......we would have retired in the past couple of years....but needed the insurance to pay for her experimental treatments.

I spoke at her funeral in our home church in TN and ended with "I will really miss her, and I certainly loved her.....but more importantly, I really liked her."
--------------------
The planning tasks are over......now it is getting on with living and must continue to be strong for my kids........it is a challenge. I will get through but it will be difficult.

Don't procrastinate. You never know how much time that you have. My wife lived 100 miles an hour almost as if she had a premonition that she did not have as much time as most.


PSU Soupy. PSU Graduate 1986.
Others have spoken with eloquence and personal experience. I will let their words speak for me. You have my deepest sympathy.
 

fairgambit

Well-Known Member
Aug 20, 2010
31,236
33,907
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My dear friend, I don't know where or even how to begin....but here goes.
I lost my wife at age 59 to cancer 12 years, 1 month and 13 days ago. Your experience is all too familiar....right down to the planning of the final devotions.
You are correct in declaring that you will get through it, but you will never get over it. Just this week a twitter friend posted this: "You'll get over it......it's the cliches that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because "it" is the person you loved. The pain my subside at times, you will meet new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is the the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?
Yes there is a special loneliness when the "one" you loved is no longer on this earth. The little things will be difficult....arriving at family gathering and leaving alone. You will find yourself instinctively looking at the empty passenger seat, somehow hoping that this is all a bad dream. I didn't realize what a big part of my "identity" she was. My wife was my wing person. Every holiday every birthday of your children will force you to mourn what she is missing. You are now the keeper of her memory. Be sure to talk of her as if she will be coming home soon. Spend every moment you can with your children, because it will reassure you that you had a special life that will carry on through them. I feel most normal when I'm with our boys (now grown men of 38 and 40). I even sleep well. I tried starting new traditions with them, as I couldn't bare to try to duplicate her special touch during the holidays etc. Most of all don't let anyone tell you to move on. Go at your own pace and believe me grief is unique to each person.
You have many friends here. The football stuff is really just bs. I will pray for you and the soul of your beautiful wife, God bless you and your children.
Your response has brought me to tears. God Bless you and may your dear wife Rest in Peace.
 

Bedivir

Member
Dec 16, 2021
15
2
1
I'm sorry you had to go through all this. We all know life's unfair, but no one of us can indeed realize how much time we have. You never think about what could happen, so it's hard to avoid being a procrastinator. It's also sad people don't have any empathy. My mother is struggling with third-stage breast cancer, and I'm sitting on the internet and seeking experimental trials. I found out that fenbendazole - fenbenlab.com is newly used for cancer treatment. Does anyone of you know something about it? Do exist trustful studies that demonstrate its effectiveness?
 
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Obliviax

Well-Known Member
Gold Member
Aug 21, 2001
106,534
54,698
1
No words. Our hearts are with you. As DrJC said above, her spirit lives on within you and the other people she so positively affected. Turn to other loved ones and live life to the fullest.

My sister, on a long hike, was with her husband who died of a sudden heart attack. She couldn't turn him over to apply CPR and had no cell phone coverage. She had to hike back, many miles, to get coverage and then had to wait several hours as EMT came and recovered the body. An unspeakably horrible day. Today, near 70, she takes several long bike excursions including a river cruise in Germany that stopped every morning to let them off with the bikes with a map to meet the boat upriver that afternoon. This spring, she is going on a tour of Italy with friends. It takes time; mourn, grieve and be patient with yourself.
 
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CattyGuy51

Well-Known Member
Nov 8, 2001
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I am so sorry for your loss. I was diagnosed with cancer almost 15 years ago at age 58. When you hear those words, you are just stunned. A lot of things race through your mind. Fortunately, I was treated by some very good DRs and after about a year, have been fine. Yes, I do have some lasting effects but as they say, I can live with them. Since then, I live by the motto of NEVER saying "I wish I would have....". I am very fortunate and grateful for the care that I received. I know of far too many others that the outcome was not like mine. Don't wait for someday because it may never come. Live each day to the fullest and be thankful.
 

EMCLION

Well-Known Member
Sep 21, 2002
654
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Virginia
For the past couple of years I have been updating the board on a metatastisis of my wife's eye cancer. She had the eye cancer 16 years ago......no metatastisis until 2 years ago when it showed up on her yearly scans...(always a nervous time). She passed away two weeks ago after battling the cancer by going from TN to Philadelphia weekly for about 1 year. I accompanied her about 2/3rd of the trips....stayed in the houses of friends from PSU. She was very brave, very strong in fighting but in the end the disease is practically undefeated once it metastisizes.........

I watched pieces of the U of M game with a house full of people for a wake after a mass at our church the day before. I also watched pieces of the second half of the Rutgers game from a restaraunt in PA where we took my wife to be buried next to her father.

I enjoyed watching the little that i got to watch.....it was surreal as the game just did not come close to mattering to me as it has for the past 30 years....due to what I was dealing with, with regard to paying respect to my wife's wishes and being strong for my 3 kids. My wife died at 55 years of age......we would have retired in the past couple of years....but needed the insurance to pay for her experimental treatments.

I spoke at her funeral in our home church in TN and ended with "I will really miss her, and I certainly loved her.....but more importantly, I really liked her."
--------------------
The planning tasks are over......now it is getting on with living and must continue to be strong for my kids........it is a challenge. I will get through but it will be difficult.

Don't procrastinate. You never know how much time that you have. My wife lived 100 miles an hour almost as if she had a premonition that she did not have as much time as most.


PSU Soupy. PSU Graduate 1986.
So So sorry to hear that?