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Sad News (THIS IS NOT A REAL NEWS STORY)

slushhead

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Mar 10, 2014
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The following is a fictional news story. Reader discretion is advised.

FORMER PENN STATE CHAMPION WRESTLER HOSPITALIZED


Nico+Megaludis+2016+NCAA+Wrestling+Division+7Gs8PCGxSSVl.jpg



October 15, 2017


State College, PA – The defending national champion Penn State Nittany Lion wrestling team officially kicked off the 2017-18 season with the start of practices this past week, but a disturbing incident quickly dampened the mood in a wrestling room known widely for ‘having fun’. Late Friday afternoon, former National Champion and 4-time All American Nico Megaludis was hospitalized for multiple physical injuries to his spine, shoulders, and head. He is listed as being in serious, but stable, condition. He is also scheduled to undergo a psychological evaluation once his physical condition improves.


Megaludis, currently a member of the Nittany Lion Wrestling Club, was participating in a game of dodgeball with the university team at the conclusion of Friday’s practice when a bizarre chain of events transpired, leading to his hospitalization. Details are still murky, but several members of the team who witnessed the incident provided some information on condition of anonymity.


“We were all having fun in the [dodgeball] game when Nico all-of-a-sudden started freaking out,” said one wrestler. “It was scary. I mean, at first, we thought he was just fooling around, but then he got out of control and started hurting himself. When we saw the blood, we realized it was no joke.”


Said another wrestler, “He seemed fine during the game until Austin (Clabaugh) pegged him (with a ball), and then he just flipped. He started yelling something about how he couldn’t let another freshman beat him in the room.”


Clabaugh is a recent addition to the team, walking-on as a true freshman. Last fall, rumors had true freshman (and now former Nittany Lion 125-lber) Nick Suriano ‘beating Nico in the room’, which apparently dealt a crushing blow to Megaludis’s confidence and, ultimately, his performance. During the ensuing year, just about anyone and everyone – even any thing, including a t-shirt– got the best of one of the most accomplished athletes in Penn State wrestling history. According to sources, being eliminated from this season’s opening dodgeball game by a walk-on freshman was the last straw for an emotionally taxed Megaludis.


Following the blow, Megaludis started hurling balls into the air and running into their paths on the opposite side of the room so that they would hit him. He would then fall violently and exclaim that he was ‘out’, only to repeat the process. Then, like in a scene from the movie Fight Club, Megaludis began to ‘wrestle himself’.


“It got pretty gruesome,” recalled head coach Cael Sanderson. “And the little bastard is so quick and wily that none of us could catch and subdue him until he had essentially knocked himself unconscious.”


The ‘match’ took Megaludis all over the wrestling room, crashing into walls and support beams, crushing his shoulders, bruising his spine, and hyperextending knees and elbows. From one front-headlock series to another, Megaludis scored takedown after takedown, each more violent than the last. At one point, he ended up in one of the trash cans, resulting in a severe laceration to his forehead. When coaches and wrestlers tried to pounce on him, he escaped from the pile and darted blindly into the weight room where he climbed up onto a piece of equipment, ultimately falling off onto his head and passing out.


Megaludis is expected to make a full physical recovery, but whether he is discharged to his home or to a specialized institution is to be determined. For the Penn State wrestling team, this is a disheartening start to the season. One member, though, sees a silver lining.


“Hey, maybe this will be what breaks Nico out of his funk. He finally beat someone in the room.”


Or did he?



----------------------

The Penn State wrestling team’s first competition of the season will be a dual meet at Rec Hall against Army on November 9th at 7:00 PM ET. For ticket information, contact the Penn State Ticket Office at 1-800-NITTANY or in person at the Athletic Ticket Office in the Bryce Jordan Center, Monday thru Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
 
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Tough crowd today!

Note to self: dark humor is not the most popular. Kinda reminds me of fans' disappointment when Jim Carrey did The Cable Guy.

Not to say the style is the only reason for the disdain, but I get it.

And Bluebird, man, you can call me Slush -- "slushhead" sounds so formal.
 
FORMER PENN STATE CHAMPION WRESTLER HOSPITALIZED

Nico+Megaludis+2016+NCAA+Wrestling+Division+7Gs8PCGxSSVl.jpg



October 15, 2017


State College, PA – The defending national champion Penn State Nittany Lion wrestling team officially kicked off the 2017-18 season with the start of practices this past week, but a disturbing incident quickly dampened the mood in a wrestling room known widely for ‘having fun’. Late Friday afternoon, former National Champion and 4-time All American Nico Megaludis was hospitalized for multiple physical injuries to his spine, shoulders, and head. He is listed as being in serious, but stable, condition. He is also scheduled to undergo a psychological evaluation once his physical condition improves.


Megaludis, currently a member of the Nittany Lion Wrestling Club, was participating in a game of dodgeball with the university team at the conclusion of Friday’s practice when a bizarre chain of events transpired, leading to his hospitalization. Details are still murky, but several members of the team who witnessed the incident provided some information on condition of anonymity.


“We were all having fun in the [dodgeball] game when Nico all-of-a-sudden started freaking out,” said one wrestler. “It was scary. I mean, at first, we thought he was just fooling around, but then he got out of control and started hurting himself. When we saw the blood, we realized it was no joke.”


Said another wrestler, “He seemed fine during the game until Austin (Clabaugh) pegged him (with a ball), and then he just flipped. He started yelling something about how he couldn’t let another freshman beat him in the room.”


Clabaugh is a recent addition to the team, walking-on as a true freshman. Last fall, rumors had true freshman (and now former Nittany Lion 125-lber) Nick Suriano ‘beating Nico in the room’, which apparently dealt a crushing blow to Megaludis’s confidence and, ultimately, his performance. During the ensuing year, just about anyone and everyone – even any thing, including a t-shirt– got the best of one of the most accomplished athletes in Penn State wrestling history. According to sources, being eliminated from this season’s opening dodgeball game by a walk-on freshman was the last straw for an emotionally taxed Megaludis.


Following the blow, Megaludis started hurling balls into the air and running into their paths on the opposite side of the room so that they would hit him. He would then fall violently and exclaim that he was ‘out’, only to repeat the process. Then, like in a scene from the movie Fight Club, Megaludis began to ‘wrestle himself’.


“It got pretty gruesome,” recalled head coach Cael Sanderson. “And the little bastard is so quick and wily that none of us could catch and subdue him until he had essentially knocked himself unconscious.”


The ‘match’ took Megaludis all over the wrestling room, crashing into walls and support beams, crushing his shoulders, bruising his spine, and hyperextending knees and elbows. From one front-headlock series to another, Megaludis scored takedown after takedown, each more violent than the last. At one point, he ended up in one of the trash cans, resulting in a severe laceration to his forehead. When coaches and wrestlers tried to pounce on him, he escaped from the pile and darted blindly into the weight room where he climbed up onto a piece of equipment, ultimately falling off onto his head and passing out.


Megaludis is expected to make a full physical recovery, but whether he is discharged to his home or to a specialized institution is to be determined. For the Penn State wrestling team, this is a disheartening start to the season. One member, though, sees a silver lining.


“Hey, maybe this will be what breaks Nico out of his funk. He finally beat someone in the room.”


Or did he?



----------------------

The Penn State wrestling team’s first competition of the season will be a dual meet at Rec Hall against Army on November 9th at 7:00 PM ET. For ticket information, contact the Penn State Ticket Office at 1-800-NITTANY or in person at the Athletic Ticket Office in the Bryce Jordan Center, Monday thru Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Joking about hospitalization never ends well IMO

Especially considering some of the loss of life the program has had recently
 
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Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots!

Thanks to this contemptibly obnoxious person, this is my last post ever.

Way to go, clown.

;)
3 people liked it.
20+ didn’t
If your skin is so thin that quitting is how you handle a failed post, it’s probably best you keep your promise.
 
Joking about hospitalization never ends well IMO

Especially considering some of the loss of life the program has had recently

Honestly, I thought you guys had seen enough of these by now to not take it seriously . . . I'm sorry if it truly did cause alarm.

The latter part of your post never crossed my mind. No disrespect intended. :oops:
 
Honestly, I thought you guys had seen enough of these by now to not take it seriously . . . I'm sorry if it truly did cause alarm.

The latter part of your post never crossed my mind. No disrespect intended. :oops:
To be honest slush, I saw the post title and never bothered to check the "author". I clicked away, and felt really bad until just about the word "dodgeball". Then I knew I'd been had.
 
FORMER PENN STATE CHAMPION WRESTLER HOSPITALIZED

Nico+Megaludis+2016+NCAA+Wrestling+Division+7Gs8PCGxSSVl.jpg



October 15, 2017


State College, PA – The defending national champion Penn State Nittany Lion wrestling team officially kicked off the 2017-18 season with the start of practices this past week, but a disturbing incident quickly dampened the mood in a wrestling room known widely for ‘having fun’. Late Friday afternoon, former National Champion and 4-time All American Nico Megaludis was hospitalized for multiple physical injuries to his spine, shoulders, and head. He is listed as being in serious, but stable, condition. He is also scheduled to undergo a psychological evaluation once his physical condition improves.


Megaludis, currently a member of the Nittany Lion Wrestling Club, was participating in a game of dodgeball with the university team at the conclusion of Friday’s practice when a bizarre chain of events transpired, leading to his hospitalization. Details are still murky, but several members of the team who witnessed the incident provided some information on condition of anonymity.


“We were all having fun in the [dodgeball] game when Nico all-of-a-sudden started freaking out,” said one wrestler. “It was scary. I mean, at first, we thought he was just fooling around, but then he got out of control and started hurting himself. When we saw the blood, we realized it was no joke.”


Said another wrestler, “He seemed fine during the game until Austin (Clabaugh) pegged him (with a ball), and then he just flipped. He started yelling something about how he couldn’t let another freshman beat him in the room.”


Clabaugh is a recent addition to the team, walking-on as a true freshman. Last fall, rumors had true freshman (and now former Nittany Lion 125-lber) Nick Suriano ‘beating Nico in the room’, which apparently dealt a crushing blow to Megaludis’s confidence and, ultimately, his performance. During the ensuing year, just about anyone and everyone – even any thing, including a t-shirt– got the best of one of the most accomplished athletes in Penn State wrestling history. According to sources, being eliminated from this season’s opening dodgeball game by a walk-on freshman was the last straw for an emotionally taxed Megaludis.


Following the blow, Megaludis started hurling balls into the air and running into their paths on the opposite side of the room so that they would hit him. He would then fall violently and exclaim that he was ‘out’, only to repeat the process. Then, like in a scene from the movie Fight Club, Megaludis began to ‘wrestle himself’.


“It got pretty gruesome,” recalled head coach Cael Sanderson. “And the little bastard is so quick and wily that none of us could catch and subdue him until he had essentially knocked himself unconscious.”


The ‘match’ took Megaludis all over the wrestling room, crashing into walls and support beams, crushing his shoulders, bruising his spine, and hyperextending knees and elbows. From one front-headlock series to another, Megaludis scored takedown after takedown, each more violent than the last. At one point, he ended up in one of the trash cans, resulting in a severe laceration to his forehead. When coaches and wrestlers tried to pounce on him, he escaped from the pile and darted blindly into the weight room where he climbed up onto a piece of equipment, ultimately falling off onto his head and passing out.


Megaludis is expected to make a full physical recovery, but whether he is discharged to his home or to a specialized institution is to be determined. For the Penn State wrestling team, this is a disheartening start to the season. One member, though, sees a silver lining.


“Hey, maybe this will be what breaks Nico out of his funk. He finally beat someone in the room.”


Or did he?



----------------------

The Penn State wrestling team’s first competition of the season will be a dual meet at Rec Hall against Army on November 9th at 7:00 PM ET. For ticket information, contact the Penn State Ticket Office at 1-800-NITTANY or in person at the Athletic Ticket Office in the Bryce Jordan Center, Monday thru Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Jesus you got me
 
3 people liked it.
20+ didn’t
If your skin is so thin that quitting is how you handle a failed post, it’s probably best you keep your promise.
Post enough to become at a minimum semi-regular before you feel at home enough to climb the high horse and speak in such a downward direction.
 
I laughed because I saw the author and knew immediately it was a parody. And if I didn't know I'd have realized in seconds because the tone was clear enough. But then I'd have gotten over it because it was funny and I'm saving my outrage for unfunny fake news.
 
... sorry, but trying to create a scandalous story that suggests one of our all-time favorite wrestlers is having a psychological breakdown is not my idea of a good spoof - why not try it on yourself and see how your family would react to a story like this? ...
 
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It was clear from the get-go this was a goof. C’mon, guys... I know journalistic integrity has taken a dip recently, but this would be all-time bad had it been even half accurate.
 
No problems from me Slush. Shake it off..... You are anonymous...you meant no harm....you are a PSU fan. If you post enough these things are gonna happen :)
 
It was clear from the get-go this was a goof. C’mon, guys... I know journalistic integrity has taken a dip recently, but this would be all-time bad had it been even half accurate.
clear from the beginning? maybe to those who know the original poster well

It was worse than an unfunny joke, since it talked about a PSU wrestler being hospitalized and that he was having psychological problems

penalty points for sure, and a forfeit might be appropriate for this poster
 
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Didn't even notice who posted it. Was alarmed at the thread title and like my usual self I speed read it first. That's why I was fooled. Probably my own fault... lol
 
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... sorry, but trying to create a scandalous story that suggests one of our all-time favorite wrestlers is having a psychological breakdown is not my idea of a good spoof - why not try it on yourself and see how your family would react to a story like this? ...

To be clear, there was no attempt at a scandalous story. That would be malicious.

The spoof, so to speak, is satire based 100% on the long-running and oft-used "[INSERT NAME HERE] IS BEATING NICO IN THE ROOM!!!" joke on this forum at Spyker's expense.

The satire is one absurdity based on another, well-established absurdity. A joke about a joke.
 
To be clear, there was no attempt at a scandalous story. That would be malicious.

The spoof, so to speak, is satire based 100% on the long-running and oft-used "[INSERT NAME HERE] IS BEATING NICO IN THE ROOM!!!" joke on this forum at Spyker's expense.

The satire is one absurdity based on another, well-established absurdity. A joke about a joke.
The satire didn't work here, slushhead.

You should realize that, and either delete the post, or just think twice about future attempts at satire.
 
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See what happens when Roar doesn't weigh in early enough regarding the degree of Slush's offensiveness.
Original thinkers should of checked the author after the headline and read on enjoying the well thought out satire.
His rebuttal was great inside joke.
We will soon see how we should feel about Slush'es post
 
The satire didn't work here, slushhead.

You should realize that, and either delete the post, or just think twice about future attempts at satire.

I'll meet you halfway on that, Roy. I edited the post title and inserted a disclaimer above the story.

And, of course, I'll try to be more sensitive with future satires, as the whole purpose is to entertain. There are those who just think I'm an idiot, and that's fine -- I'll never be able to satisfy them and won't try to do so. But for those who normally appreciate a parody, I'll try to be more careful about subject matter that I can foresee as potentially pushing the envelope. But I'm not the most aware person when it comes to that.
 
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Slush, did you post your stories here before or just on Scout?

Everything went exclusively to Scout until this past summer, when I posted a couple of "stories" both here and on HR. I may be making a false assumption that most PSU forum users frequented both BWI and Scout before the latter came out with the awful rebuild.
 
Great compromise. Don't stop! Still love the cages Retherford. I kinda believe some of that story came true.
 
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