OT: Stupid things you have said on dates.

[mtnlion]

Freshman year I got up the nerve to ask out a classmates with large breasts. She wouldn't date because she was self conscious of her endowment. Im not a boob man and really was interested in her other qualities but even that backfired.
Me: Want to go to the dance with me?
Her: You're just asking because of my boobs.
Me: No! I hate big boobs!

 

[Player2BNamedL8r]

Nothing I said, but....

Belching and French kissing should be mutually exclusive.

I snorted....too funny!

 

[PSU Dave]

For some reason the Wayback Machine kicked on, and I recalled this conversation:

Me: "What have you been up to?"
She: "I worked for the NFL for a couple of years."
Me: "Oh, the National Federation of Labor?"
She: "No, the National Football League."

There’s a big sale in my bedroom. Clothes are 100% off.

 

[PSU Dave]

Freshman year I got up the nerve to ask out a classmates with large breasts. She wouldn't date because she was self conscious of her endowment. Im not a boob man and really was interested in her other qualities but even that backfired.
Me: Want to go to the dance with me?
Her: You're just asking because of my boobs.
Me: No! I hate big boobs!

What you should have said is “big or small I like’em all”.

 

[massimoManca II]

As a mouthbreather from Binghamton the two books I’d read in the first half of the 80s were Nobody Here Gets Out Alive (Jim Morrison bio), and Instant Replay - the Green Bay Packer Diary by Jerry Kramer...

first semester at University Park back in the mid-eighties there was a cute artsy-fartsy Literature/Philosophy-type whose self-esteem was low enough to be attracted to me... better still was that she was prone to losing her clothes after a few Zimas...

I had feigned that i was somewhat of a writer/poet (#hugeobviouslie) ... then she hadta ask me what I liked to read

Awkward silence followed by: “ ummmmyeahhhhh spend many hours reading the work of Nitschke”

#gameover

 

[ILLINOISLION]

As a mouthbreather from Binghamton the two books I’d read in the first half of the 80s were Nobody Here Gets Out Alive (Jim Morrison bio), and Instant Replay - the Green Bay Packer Diary by Jerry Kramer...

first semester at University Park back in the mid-eighties there was a cute artsy-fartsy Literature/Philosophy-type whose self-esteem was low enough to be attracted to me... better still was that she was prone to losing her clothes after a few Zimas...

I had feigned that i was somewhat of a writer/poet (#hugeobviouslie) ... then she hadta ask me what I liked to read

Awkward silence followed by: “ ummmmyeahhhhh spend many hours reading the work of Nitschke”

#gameover

Nitschke was a Green Bay Packer too?

 

[Hugh Laurie]

Not quite on a date, but closely related enough to tell the story. I had a couple of dates with a gal who was a world class gymnast at PSU back in the day when the gym team packed Rec Hall for matches. Her final appearance at a PSU meet happened to be on the back end of a Saturday Rec Hall doubleheader (wrestling in the afternoon, gymnastics at night). Following the wrestling, a few of us wandered across the street to the Post House. I proceeded to spend several hours there, only managing to make it to Rec Hall just in time to catch her on her final event. When the meet ended, bunches of people poured out of the stands surrounding and congratulating her. Because of the crowd, I couldn't get anywhere near her. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a friend of mine, who was a writer for one of the local papers, talking to a guy. I staggered over to him in a bit of a drunken stupor, interrupted him by exclaiming "End of an era. End of an era at PSU". He gave me this confused look and I simply added "Judy Gymnast (name changed to protect the innocent)! Nicest ass on campus!" He responded "Larry, I'd like you to meet Mr Gymnast, Judy's father". I sputtered a couple of words, realized I was just continuing to make a huge fool of myself, turned my back and walked away. Never went out with her again.

Ha! Knew you would likely chime in. After Judy Gymnast did you then move on to Ms Tri-Delt's sister? :>)

 

[MJG-90]

Me: I seem to always attract crazy women. The last three women I’ve dated seriously were all on Prozac or some other similar drug. I just can’t do that anymore.

Her: I’m on Zoloft.

Me: Sigh.

 

[LafayetteBear]

Freshman year I got up the nerve to ask out a classmates with large breasts. She wouldn't date because she was self conscious of her endowment. Im not a boob man and really was interested in her other qualities but even that backfired.
Me: Want to go to the dance with me?
Her: You're just asking because of my boobs.
Me: No! I hate big boobs!

Wrong, wrong, wrong. THIS guy had the right answer.

 

[UncleLar]

Ha! Knew you would likely chime in. After Judy Gymnast did you then move on to Ms Tri-Delt's sister? :>)

Actually, little sis preceded Judy Gymnast by a few years. There was a bit of an age gap between me and both of them, which was problematic, I was definitely cradle robbing the two of them.

 

[AWS1022]

I was at a bar with a girl and her friends.

Her friend: “I lost 5 pounds.”
Me: “I found it, it’s here in your ass.” (I was trying to be funny)

A group cold shoulder is really cold. I ended up leaving. Moral of the story- not everything that’s funny in your head will appeal to your audience.

 

[hagberg]

Her: We actually got together a few months ago.
Me: I'm sorry, I don't remember. Did you get me drunk?
Her: Yes, and you took me home.
Me: Did we have sex?
Her: Yes, in several different ways. You told me I was a good sport.
Me: Now I remember! How are you?
Her: Pregnant. And I'm going to kill myself if you don't marry me!
Me: Wow, you really are a good sport!


(With apologies to George Carlin!)

 

[PSU87]

Shortly after graduating college, I'm at an air show. The F117 is still relatively new, so it's roped off with an SP (Air Force MPs?) walking the rope line with an M16. She was very pretty.
So, young charming engineer is going to see what she's doing after the show. I fall into step with her just outside the rope. I turn to her and smile and say "If I jumped over the rope would you really shoot me, or just wrestle me to the ground?"
Without changing stride, looking at me or even cracking the faintest hint of a smile, she said "Sir, I'd be obliged to shoot you"

Ouch.

 

[mtnlion]

I was at a bar with a girl and her friends.

Her friend: “I lost 5 pounds.”
Me: “I found it, it’s here in your ass.” (I was trying to be funny)

A group cold shoulder is really cold. I ended up leaving. Moral of the story- not everything that’s funny in your head will appeal to your audience.

Oh boy the sin of all sins. Do one fat joke you'll lose the girl and even the other girls who hate her and your own mom will hate you.

 

[Agoodnap]

I used this on several young ladies.

Me: Would you like to go out for breakfast tomorrow morning?
Her: Sure, I'd like that.
Me: Would you prefer a phone call, or a nudge?

 

[YogiMan71]

Me; As we were being served lobster tail “nothing wrong with a little tail”
Her; Nothing, it went right over her blonde head.

 

[TheBigUglies]

Me: Do you like apples?
Her: Yeah, I like apples
Me: Well, I am going to @#$& the #$#*$() out of you tonight, how do you like them apples?

Didn't use that on a date but tried it on several girls at frat parties as it was an ongoing bet amongst friends for a while. Needless to say we spent a lot of time single before we grew up. It actually worked once, however, she was psycho!!

 

[Ranger Dan]

Me; As we were being served lobster tail “nothing wrong with a little tail”
Her; Nothing, it went right over her blonde head.

This reminds me of when my wife and I were on a double date with another married couple... My buddy and I were sitting across from each other talking and the two girls were having their own conversation. My buddy's wife say loudly and with much excitement that she "just had her first facial last week". My buddy and I both heard her say it and could hardly keep from laughing... I don't know whether or not the girls noticed our reaction, because I was trying my best not to make eye contact for fear of completely losing it.

 

[Connorpozlee]

In high school I took German one year, then Spanish the next. I learned only one sentence in German: Mein haus ist gleich um de eche (surely thebspelling is way off in some of that), translated as “My House is right around the corner”. Completely useless phrase but it struck us as funny as freshman so we would say it all the time for the four years of high school.
Fast forward seven years from that and I am at a party with a bunch of international students, drinking pretty heavily. I start chatting up a girl from Germany and we are hitting it off pretty well. Then it occurs to me that my one German sentence is perfect for this situation. So I say to her, “Mein casa ist gleich um de eche” followed by a little head nod towards the door and an eyebrow raise. She just looks confused and shrugs her shoulders. I repeat the same phrase three or four more times before she just walks away. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized that I had mixed some Spanish with my German sentence.

 

[psuro]

In high school I took German one year, then Spanish the next. I learned only one sentence in German: Mein haus ist gleich um de eche (surely thebspelling is way off in some of that), translated as “My House is right around the corner”. Completely useless phrase but it struck us as funny as freshman so we would say it all the time for the four years of high school.
Fast forward seven years from that and I am at a party with a bunch of international students, drinking pretty heavily. I start chatting up a girl from Germany and we are hitting it off pretty well. Then it occurs to me that my one German sentence is perfect for this situation. So I say to her, “Mein casa ist gleich um de eche” followed by a little head nod towards the door and an eyebrow raise. She just looks confused and shrugs her shoulders. I repeat the same phrase three or four more times before she just walks away. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized that I had mixed some Spanish with my German sentence.

So, she was not impressed that you were a cunning linguist? Too bad.

 

[BobPSU92]

“I’m not sure how you pronounce it or anything, but uh, I believe it’s ménage a trois?”

 

[Phil's Rug]

Nothing I said, but....

Belching and French kissing should be mutually exclusive.

As should french kissing and puking

Way to close of a call over the summer. After a little to much to drink and making out like our plane was going down, we came up for air. She gets this funny look on her face, hand goes over her mouth and blah...not much but enough. When she was done, she leans back in and I'm like

She got mad, I laughed, that made it worse. Took a few seconds for her to register what had just happened and we both cracked up. We may not be together anymore but she's still my best friend and as such it's my duty to remind her about it whenever and as often as possible.

 

[Obliviax]

happened to my brother...and one of his favorite dating stories...

He goes to a bar with a friend. After a few beers, excuses himself to go to the bathroom. When he gets back, there is a very attractive girl sitting in his seat. He laughs because he knows his friend wasn't going to hold his seat over a pretty girl. Anyway, he goes to the gal and says "excuse me, I believe you are sitting in my seat." She looks him up and down, thinking he's hitting on her, and says "Listen, I've got on a-hole in my pants and I don't need another one." Ouch.

 

[step.eng69]

with much excitement that she "just had her first facial last week".

is that code for oral sex?

 

[psuro]

is that code for oral sex?

Only if you do it correctly.

 

[Obliviax]

Only if you do it correctly.

by "you" do you mean step.eng69 or the gal? (or both)

 

[step.eng69]

by "you" do you mean step.eng69 or the gal? (or both)

Engineers are widely know for their creativity and perverted sex.
RIGHT RO.

 

[step.eng69]

 

[GOD the almighty Creator]

For some reason the Wayback Machine kicked on, and I recalled this conversation:

Me: "What have you been up to?"
She: "I worked for the NFL for a couple of years."
Me: "Oh, the National Federation of Labor?"
She: "No, the National Football League."

Me: You know I'm God?
She: You need a psychiatrist.
Me: No. Really. I'm God.
She: (to the waiter) Check, please.

 

[Hugh Laurie]

I was definitely cradle robbing the two of them.

LOL Good for you. I can relate.

 

[kgilbert78]

Not quite on a date, but closely related enough to tell the story. I had a couple of dates with a gal who was a world class gymnast at PSU back in the day when the gym team packed Rec Hall for matches. Her final appearance at a PSU meet happened to be on the back end of a Saturday Rec Hall doubleheader (wrestling in the afternoon, gymnastics at night). Following the wrestling, a few of us wandered across the street to the Post House. I proceeded to spend several hours there, only managing to make it to Rec Hall just in time to catch her on her final event. When the meet ended, bunches of people poured out of the stands surrounding and congratulating her. Because of the crowd, I couldn't get anywhere near her. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a friend of mine, who was a writer for one of the local papers, talking to a guy. I staggered over to him in a bit of a drunken stupor, interrupted him by exclaiming "End of an era. End of an era at PSU". He gave me this confused look and I simply added "Judy Gymnast (name changed to protect the innocent)! Nicest ass on campus!" He responded "Larry, I'd like you to meet Mr Gymnast, Judy's father". I sputtered a couple of words, realized I was just continuing to make a huge fool of myself, turned my back and walked away. Never went out with her again.

Sounds like Ann Carr.....

But true story--I did meet a PSU gymnast's folks once. My sister (also a PSU grad, but 4 years after me) really liked gymnastics and it turned out there was an away match at Temple, so we decided to go. There was a middle aged couple behind us who you could tell were parents when their kid came up on her events (nothing odd, but you could tell). Turned out it was Patty Spisak's folks (the future Mrs. Matt Millen). Very nice people.

 

[PSU2UNC]

Her: Do you want to come upstairs and meet my dog?
Me: I've already met your dog.

My favorite "not really a pick up line" is

"Do you feel lucky tonight?"
"No."
"Then I'm your guy!"

 

[psuro]

by "you" do you mean step.eng69 or the gal? (or both)

The collective you.

 

[psuro]

Engineers are widely know for their creativity and perverted sex.
RIGHT RO.

What else we got? Our sense of style?

 

[Obliviax]

The collective you.

???

 

[step.eng69]

What else we got? Our sense of style?

LOL

 

[LionJim]

What else we got? Our sense of style?

That's rich.

 

[fastlax16]

Her: "tequila shots?"
Me: "tequila doesn't sit well with me"
Her to bartender: "2 tequila shots"
Me: "fine" then takes shot and proceeds to throw up at the bar in my mouth and walk quickly immediately to bathroom.
...... 2 hours later
Her: "So can I come back to your place?"

 

[PoquosonLion]

Being a geek and Boy Scout at the time, I wasn’t wasn’t well equipped. I wanted to compliment her and what came out? “Oh baby, you’re so trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent”. I should have just stuck with kind and friendly.

 

[Uh Clem]

On advice from my father when I went to my first dance in 7th grade:

Me: (After walking across the empty gym floor to the other side where all the girls were sitting) "Would you like to dance?"

Her: "With you? No thanks."

Me: "That's okay. You were prettier from the other side of the room."