Jay has a message: "Parents: Let the Coaches Coach"

nitlion6

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Mar 26, 2012
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A good read.

While the point is very valid I have a damn near impossible ability to give the article credence due to the fact it was authored by a dude who walked a path paved by his father because his mother demanded it.
 

James P. Whitters III

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Jun 1, 2007
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The problem in society is too many parents are not involved enough in all aspects of a child's life. We can complain all we want about kids that have over involved parents, but I don't think a coach would have much success by deciding to only recruit kids from homes where the parents couldn't care less how the sport goes.
 

tullfan68

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Back in the day parents let the kids do what they wanted with no involvment,now a lot of parents think they are sideline coaches or run the damn program!!WTF
 
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98lberEating2Lunches

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After having been fortunate enough to coach youth baseball for many years and ages 7 thru 17, I've seen the spectrum of parent support and behavior. In no case should the player suffer for the sins of the parent.

I wonder how many of the parents Jay opines against have ever been approached respectfully with loving kindness to discuss issues surrounding their behavior? I'd hope it would take no more than one such talk. One being enough has been my experience.
 

Agoodnap

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While the point is very valid I have a damn near impossible ability to give the article credence due to the fact it was authored by a dude who walked a path paved by his father because his mother demanded it.
This is an odd and mean take in addition to a sad way to go through life.
 

CJFisJoePaII

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This is an odd and mean take in addition to a sad way to go through life.

Yea, you would think Paterno was the only coach in history whose son worked for him the way "this dude" wrote his post - an utterly laughable view relative to how common the occurrence is...
 

dunkej01

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Do we like Jay in his post football life?

I told my story of meeting Sue at their home and the only ladies I met nicer than she, are my Grandma, my Mother and my Wife.

I list my wife only out of fear of retaliation..............
 

nitlion6

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Mar 26, 2012
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Do we like Jay in his post football life?

I told my story of meeting Sue at their home and the only ladies I met nicer than she, are my Grandma, my Mother and my Wife.

I list my wife only out of fear of retaliation..............
I thought Jay represented his father exceptionally, and showed more balls defending the university than any of the trustees or administration during the entire JS mess.

However, no matter what Jay does I know too much about Jay to ever like Jay very much.
 

Lyons212

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Yea, you would think Paterno was the only coach in history whose son worked for him the way "this dude" wrote his post - an utterly laughable view relative to how common the occurrence is...
One problem is Jay collected a paycheck essentially from his father. Calling his coaching, work, would be very generous, since Jay did very little actual coaching, recruiting or the preparatory work involved in coaching. Jay liked to call plays, his lack of preparation resulted in him not being very good at it.

I have coached youth sports for the last 20 years, from ages 5 to 18, rec, club, high school with a variety of sports. Some simple advice for parents regarding any activity, be honest about your child's ability and interest level. If the kid will not practice on their own, their is no need to invest/spend a lot of money on the activity.

Two extreme examples. First kid, parents spent serious money on soccer, playing all over the country. This kid would spend hours every day kicking a soccer ball without being told. They have holes in their walls from her kicking a soccer ball in the house. I have known this kid since kindergarten, coached with her mom for five years and currently coach her in track. She will be playing D1 soccer, with athletic and academic aid, going to college for free. Obviously, it was well worth it.

The other kid played lacrosse for a former assistant coach of mine. One game he did not play a boy on his team. Kid's parents are going nuts on the sideline and start to ream the coach out after the game. The coach told the parents "You need to talk to your son about playing lacrosse". What happened was the kid refused to go into the game, hated lacrosse and was only there because dad wanted him to be there. Obviously in this case, the parents should have listened to their child.

I never forced my kids to play sports (all 3 played to varying ages, only one played in high school). I would tell parents I know what it is like to coach a kid who did not want to be there. It is not fair to the coaches, teammates or the kid who does not want to be there.
 

a_mshaffer

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Dec 8, 2014
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pretty Simple. The kid has to have the talent. The kid has to have the work ethic. The kid has to have the desire to be the best. Only way they make it to 'Prime Time'! The parents can support. Kid needs to be lucky - injuries and such! Another subject is multi-sports and pre-puberty focus!
 
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AgSurfer

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I can't speak for other sports, but whenever I was approached by a parent about how to get their kid to start wrestling, I would always tell them the same thing. To stick with wrestling, you have to like it. It's too hard and requires too much effort to expect a kid who has no enthusiasm for the sport to stay involved. Yes, there's always the possibility that a kid who never wrestled before will come to like it after spending some time on the mat, but if a kid does give it a try and you find he hates going to practice and doesn't show any enthusiasm for trying to improve, another sport might be the better option.
 

86PSUPaul

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My oldest wrestled from 2nd grade through 12th. My youngest started in K but when he was ready to start 9th told me he didn’t want to wrestle any more. I told him that was fine but I did want him to try some other sport. I didn’t care if he was a starter but I felt the benefits of being on a team and participating in practice were big. He chose volleyball and ended up loving it and being the starting setter his last two years.
so while I did not pressure him to be a starter I did want him to gain the benefits of being on a team and being active.
 
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82bordeaux

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My oldest wrestled from 2nd grade through 12th. My youngest started in K but when he was ready to start 9th told me he didn’t want to wrestle any more. I told him that was fine but I did want him to try some other sport. I didn’t care if he was a starter but I felt the benefits of being on a team and participating in practice were big. He chose volleyball and ended up loving it and being the starting setter his last two years.
so while I did not pressure him to be a starter I did want him to gain the benefits of being on a team and being active.
If you encouraged him to be a full time gamer he'd be making a million/year.
 

baccafarmer

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Aug 20, 2018
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I thought Jay represented his father exceptionally, and showed more balls defending the university than any of the trustees or administration during the entire JS mess.

However, no matter what Jay does I know too much about Jay to ever like Jay very much.
Agree entirely. I’ve had the privilege of getting to know 3 generations Paterno’s. What happened to the legacy of Joe is sad. Jay and Kelly have done a great job raising their kids, but, Jay traverses the landscape like he has a rabid gorilla on his back. He would do well to recognize and adopt the grace of his mother.
 

86Engineer

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Jul 25, 2015
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Agree entirely. I’ve had the privilege of getting to know 3 generations Paterno’s. What happened to the legacy of Joe is sad. Jay and Kelly have done a great job raising their kids, but, Jay traverses the landscape like he has a rabid gorilla on his back. He would do well to recognize and adopt the grace of his mother.

What do you mean by the bolded part above?

As for the article, I didn't think it was a good read at all.
 

Media Fan

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One problem is Jay collected a paycheck essentially from his father. Calling his coaching, work, would be very generous, since Jay did very little actual coaching, recruiting or the preparatory work involved in coaching. Jay liked to call plays, his lack of preparation resulted in him not being very good at it.

I have coached youth sports for the last 20 years, from ages 5 to 18, rec, club, high school with a variety of sports. Some simple advice for parents regarding any activity, be honest about your child's ability and interest level. If the kid will not practice on their own, their is no need to invest/spend a lot of money on the activity.

Two extreme examples. First kid, parents spent serious money on soccer, playing all over the country. This kid would spend hours every day kicking a soccer ball without being told. They have holes in their walls from her kicking a soccer ball in the house. I have known this kid since kindergarten, coached with her mom for five years and currently coach her in track. She will be playing D1 soccer, with athletic and academic aid, going to college for free. Obviously, it was well worth it.

The other kid played lacrosse for a former assistant coach of mine. One game he did not play a boy on his team. Kid's parents are going nuts on the sideline and start to ream the coach out after the game. The coach told the parents "You need to talk to your son about playing lacrosse". What happened was the kid refused to go into the game, hated lacrosse and was only there because dad wanted him to be there. Obviously in this case, the parents should have listened to their child.

I never forced my kids to play sports (all 3 played to varying ages, only one played in high school). I would tell parents I know what it is like to coach a kid who did not want to be there. It is not fair to the coaches, teammates or the kid who does not want to be there.
How do you know Jay did little coaching?
 

slushhead

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Mar 10, 2014
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One problem is Jay collected a paycheck essentially from his father. Calling his coaching, work, would be very generous, since Jay did very little actual coaching, recruiting or the preparatory work involved in coaching. Jay liked to call plays, his lack of preparation resulted in him not being very good at it.

I have coached youth sports for the last 20 years, from ages 5 to 18, rec, club, high school with a variety of sports. Some simple advice for parents regarding any activity, be honest about your child's ability and interest level. If the kid will not practice on their own, their is no need to invest/spend a lot of money on the activity.

Two extreme examples. First kid, parents spent serious money on soccer, playing all over the country. This kid would spend hours every day kicking a soccer ball without being told. They have holes in their walls from her kicking a soccer ball in the house. I have known this kid since kindergarten, coached with her mom for five years and currently coach her in track. She will be playing D1 soccer, with athletic and academic aid, going to college for free. Obviously, it was well worth it.

The other kid played lacrosse for a former assistant coach of mine. One game he did not play a boy on his team. Kid's parents are going nuts on the sideline and start to ream the coach out after the game. The coach told the parents "You need to talk to your son about playing lacrosse". What happened was the kid refused to go into the game, hated lacrosse and was only there because dad wanted him to be there. Obviously in this case, the parents should have listened to their child.

I never forced my kids to play sports (all 3 played to varying ages, only one played in high school). I would tell parents I know what it is like to coach a kid who did not want to be there. It is not fair to the coaches, teammates or the kid who does not want to be there.
A lot of this rings true with me — as a child, a coach, and a parent. It is so beneficial to be a supportive parent in athletics, but too often detrimental to be a demanding one.

To use familiar terms — “It’s really up to the kid.” 😉

Although some fundamental supports (not helicopters) can make a world of difference, self-motivation is prerequisite to sustained success. Some kids have it, some don’t. Many can and do benefit from sports, but some are not in position to do so. Both innate and social aspects steer that ship.
 
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Callthestall

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Mar 14, 2016
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I have sat on local Little League and Babe Ruth League Boards. I ran the local youth travel basketball program which involved 240 kids. I stepped away about 10 years ago and at that time some of the parents were becoming over the top with their actions. In the basketball program all the parents had my phone number to contact me if they had an issue. In almost 3 years and almost a phone call every night during the season, I had one valid complaint about a coach being out of control for youth sports. Spoke to the guy and he never acted up again.
When parents would call me about some trivial issue that was not a valid complaint. I learned to give the following retort.
"It is not a mandate that your child plays basketball with our program".
I had the total support of the local township that sponsored the program which included all children that lived in the Bangor School District.
It was a thankless position that someone had to do.
 
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michnittlion

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Sep 3, 2003
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Nothing that comes from "the desk of Jay Paterno" is ever "a good read." He's a bad person who has been trying to sabotage James Franklin (and Bill O'Brien before that) for a decade now.
 

Agoodnap

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Sep 27, 2015
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Nothing that comes from "the desk of Jay Paterno" is ever "a good read." He's a bad person who has been trying to sabotage James Franklin (and Bill O'Brien before that) for a decade now.
I'd like to sabotage James Franklin as well, so I can't hold that against him.

Having said the above, you're full of Shat! Jay is actually a good guy.
 

Gray52

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Dec 9, 2012
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Nothing that comes from "the desk of Jay Paterno" is ever "a good read." He's a bad person who has been trying to sabotage James Franklin (and Bill O'Brien before that) for a decade now.
Tell me you’ve never met Jay Paterno without telling me you’ve never met Jay Paterno. Ah, i see you went first.