ADVERTISEMENT

It's time to say wide reliever U

Dude in front of me took up one and a half of the seat cushions. Totally threw off the dynamics of that row, and my legs were open at a 170 degree angle to stradle him. I needed some relief from that wideness for sure. Sumbitch was thicc too, like 4 feet wide and 3 feet deep. Just impossible to do anything about the situation. A total honey badger, made no attempt to suck it in, or anything. And put away a chicken tendie basket and 2 sodas so obviously not working on his fitness. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
 
Dude in front of me took up one and a half of the seat cushions. Totally threw off the dynamics of that row, and my legs were open at a 170 degree angle to stradle him. I needed some relief from that wideness for sure. Sumbitch was thicc too, like 4 feet wide and 3 feet deep. Just impossible to do anything about the situation. A total honey badger, made no attempt to suck it in, or anything. And put away a chicken tendie basket and 2 sodas so obviously not working on his fitness. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

I always try to get seats in the last row of the “lower” bowl for this reason. Have had a couple ushers let me stand behind my seat when a row contains more asscheek than bench.
 
Dude in front of me took up one and a half of the seat cushions. Totally threw off the dynamics of that row, and my legs were open at a 170 degree angle to stradle him. I needed some relief from that wideness for sure. Sumbitch was thicc too, like 4 feet wide and 3 feet deep. Just impossible to do anything about the situation. A total honey badger, made no attempt to suck it in, or anything. And put away a chicken tendie basket and 2 sodas so obviously not working on his fitness. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
The seat spacing on those benches is simply not in sync with the average width of today’s American.

Then there was the time — it may have been the game against Nebraska in 2002 — when some genius whose ticket wasn’t next to his buddies thought he could simply “squeeze in” next to them in the same row where my dad and I were sitting. Yeah, no one would notice, right?

Well, my rear certainly IS in sync with the trend in today’s society (and then some, admittedly — give me a break, I’m tall too lol) so I noticed. The re-seating process after the national anthem was su awkward that I counted the butts in our row, and lo and behold, something was amiss. I asked for everyone to please show their ticket — Mr. Genius popped up, said “see you after the game” to his friends, and slinked away.
 
ADVERTISEMENT